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Sunday, September 23, 2007

What Would You Do If You Were A Looter In Kenya Today?

Somebody told us here that when you go to the bank and they tell you your balance is Kshs 500 million, your thinking and everything about you changes. I believe this is 1000% true and for this reason it would be very difficult for any ordinary Kenyans like me and you to figure out how looters think.

Just to give an example from the Kroll report. You are so rich that money is coming out of your ears, literally, but then you decide not to pay your lawyer’s bills and many other bills for services rendered. So when a lawyer keeps $650,000 from land they have sold on your behalf and sends you a fee note demanding the balance, you go ballistic. You even rush to a city hotel when somebody calls you to tell you that the lawyer involved is there having a drink and you go on cause a scene in public. Yet to you $650,000 is chicken feed. You could literally use it as toilet paper and not even think about it.

Still I will ask you to put yourself in the shoes of looters in view of the Saturday speech by Raila and also new developments in recent weeks which seem to threaten your family fortune stuffed in foreign accounts. What would you do now that it has become apparent that Raila is set to win the general elections? Would you;

(a) Join ODM and heavily finance Hon Raila’s campaign for the presidency and get as close to him as possible so as to avoid prosecution (or even worse returning all that money) when he walks into State House?

(b) Compile a long “hit” list and assassinate anybody who may have any evidence in connection to your looting ways (over 250 people).

(c) Pour billions into the re-election of Mwai Kibaki as president, so much so that it will look like Jirongo, Ruto and company spent chicken-feed in 1992.

(d) Do nothing. After all you are the proverbial stone that has proved time and again that it is too heavy to be turned and if anybody touches you, they shut down almost 50% of the Kenyan economy.

(e) Use some of your money to hijack parliament and get them to pass additional ridiculous laws that make it impossible for you to be investigated let alone be compelled to return anything.

(f) Arm your tribes mates for a war and use the time worn and time tested strategy of announcing that it is your tribe that is being finished, although many of them are starving to death and have not shared a single cent of your ill gotten wealth.

(g) Carry out the threat of 2001 to have Rift Valley secede from the rest of Kenya so that you can appoint yourself King of the Republic of Rift Valley forever. Kings are never prosecuted because they are not only above the law, they are the law.

(h) Use your specially pre[pared contacts for instigating violence and mayhem so that Kenya suddenly becomes ungovernable and elections are put off indefinitely.

Feel free to add other possible solutions that I may have left out.

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