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Saturday, March 31, 2007

Groom's escorts

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Do you understand Kenyan history?

From regularly publishing this blog, I have noted the emergence of a dangerous breed of young Kenyans who are quick to compare our young nation with advanced western nations and they do so in total ignorance of our history. One recent careless comment on independence hero Thomas Joseph Odhiambo Mboya, better known as Tom Mboya brought this home to me very clearly.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Amazing 90 Per Cent Renewal Rate

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This should tell you a lot about what you should expect if your were to make the decision to seek search engine optimization services here.

The blunt advice given is that you should not shop for price, shop for results. Why bother paying half the price if you are not going to get the results? Is this not as good as throwing away your money in the name of going for a low price? Many so-called optimization companies offer extremely low prices because all they are doing is tweaking your meta tags and content and this is not effective on its' own with search engines these days.

Expect More Relationship Stories

A little research by this blogger has produced some fascinating results. To start with, it has become clear that most people who regularly read Kumekucha are hungry for relationship articles. I am addressing this issue and readers should now expect to see even more stories than what we currenly have available here on this subject.

Business how-to Online

Apart from more relationship-related stories, readers should also expect to see plenty of how-to make money online articles. Unknown to many there is a rapidly increasing number of people who earn a living on the Internet. It really is not as difficult as you thin, especially if you can get expert advice to guide you through the entire process. Kindly check out this make huge profits online report.

If there is one place

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Monday, March 26, 2007

Bizarre Condition Has Kept Beautiful Woman From Having Sex For Years

Dear Kumekucha,
I am writing on behalf of a friend's friend.

She has a terrible secret that I want to share with you in the hope that others will get some sort of help.

It is actually the saddest story I have ever heard. My friends friend has a very strange epileptic condition where the moment somebody kisses her and she starts to get passionate in any way, she is immediately engulfed by an epileptic fit which promptly stops her from having sex. As far as I know her epileptic fits are not brought about or triggered in any other way.

We live in a very superstitious community and the story going round is that she was married off to some strange spirits in the spiritual realm who are very jealous and will not allow anybody to have sex with her.

I am told she has contemplated suicide many times and would have gone ahead with it already except that she is the worst coward.

She is rapidly heading towards 40 years and there are no signs of her ever getting married. Apparently there is no man noble enough on this earth to love her enough to marry her and work through the problem with her. I can imagine how they freak out when she goes into a fit and starts foaming in the mouth, when all they wanted was sex. By the way am told she is extremely attractive and you would never know that she is suffering from this terrible, condition.
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I find this case very interesting because it raises all sorts of questions and issues that I believe my dear readers should be made aware of.

From the description of the condition, I am convinced that this is a spiritual problem (sorry all you medical-science-has-all-the-answers types, although you are most welcome to leave your comments here, no matter how critical they are of my views).

Many young women are married off in the spiritual realm and yet they have no idea. A marriage in the spiritual realm is much more powerful than a marriage in the physical realm. This is why we have cases like this other one I know about where this young lady has had her fianc├ęs break engagements with her at least twice under very strange circumstances and literally at the eleventh hour. I believe that they were “discouraged” by the young lady's jealous husband or husbands in the spiritual realm.

The sure signs that you have been married off in the spiritual realm and could have your marriage in the real world badly jeopardized, is if you dream you are pregnant, or sweeping a house or sometimes suckling a child and yet you do not have children. These are activities that you are actually undertaking in your "spiritual" home and marriage. Even so called wet dreams of having sex are pretty suspect.

This is not a joking matter and can have fatal consequences, because many women get very frustrated without knowing what exactly the problem is. Especially those who believe that medical science always has the answers.

Yet with a spiritual approach, and by this I mean serious prayers with genuine pastors and bible-believing spiritual authorities, this is a problem that can be overcome and the marriage in the spirit world annulled.

It would be of great help if you can trace the origins of the problem. For instance witches and traditional medicine men and women usually marry off their grandchildren and other relatives in the spiritual realm when they are very young and they will then grow up completely unaware of the problem until they are older and it really starts effecting them.

In other instances, the death of a loved one when one is young can result in an urge to "meet" the dead person in a dream, which evil spirits and demons take full advantage of and come disguised as that person. They are then easily able to take advantage of the person and before they know it, they are in a covenant arrangement of the marriage type in the spiritual realm that will have very serious consequences on their later life.


See also;

Rape virtually every day

Errant Buru Buru Husband Taught a Lesson By Cheeky Wife

A True Kenyan Story: Matatu Nightmare

Couples Reunion At The Airport After 6 Long Years, Turns Ugly

Father and two sons seduced by a woman called "death."

A True Kenyan Story: A Doctor’s Revenge

Angry real Gikuyu man answers long suffering Kenyan beauty

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Regular Violent Wife Rape By A Dutiful Husband

One of the advantages of having a blog that allows anonymous comments is the fact that people can dare share intimate details of what is really bothering them. Marital rape is an issue that is not discussed enough and yet from the kind of letters I have been receiving for a long time, it is a huge problem in Kenya.

Here is an example of what some Kenyans wives go through;

Dear Kumekucha,

Thank you for your informative blog.

I wanted to make a suggestion that you discuss this thing of marital rape in your blog. You touched on it some time back but did not say much.

This thing of wife rape is true kabisa. My husband is in the mood virtually every night and expects me to dutifully turn over and do my duty, no matter what kind of day I have had. But sometimes I am too exhausted to submit, after a hectic day in the office and so I stand my ground and refuse. That's when all hell breaks lose. He will sulk and accuse me of desiring other men and not being interested in him. Then finally if he sees no reaction from me he will usually turn round quickly and violently force my legs apart completely ignoring my protests. To me this is not sex between a man and a wife but rape, pure and simple. Akishamaliza he will then turn over and within minutes will be snoring.

I love my husband and have nothing else against him. He is a good provider and an excellent father and I dare say, a good lover. But this is his one weakness that really bothers me. Any suggestions as to what I should do?



My initial reaction is that this is a typical man who does not understand women and is probably not really interested in doing so. Which marriage does not have a problem of an oversexed man (other times it is an oversexed woman)? However the problem mainly arises when it is the man who has excess libido. More often than not they will fail to control themselves and end up forcing themselves on their poor exhausted wives. This is rape, no matter what angle you look at it from.

My fellow men are notorious for their ignorance where women are concerned. They fail to realize that the cardinal rule is that a woman is like a bank account. You take out exactly what you have put in… and maybe some interest after a long time. Even your wife of 20 years is still a woman and would not mind a little "bribery" to put her into the mood. A box of her favorite chocolates. Flowers on another day other than the usual Valentines (just because everybody else is giving flowers) and so on. How about washing dishes and reducing her load when she comes from work on that D-Day? I realize that what I am suggesting here is not African, but then what is African?

See also;
Father and two sons seduced by a woman called "death."

A True Kenyan Story: A Doctor’s Revenge

A True Kenyan Story: Matatu Nightmare

Couples Reunion At The Airport After 6 Long Years, Turns Ugly

Angry real Gikuyu man answers long suffering Kenyan beauty

Errant Buru Buru Husband Taught a Lesson By Cheeky Wife

Friday, March 16, 2007

Why Married Women Have Affairs

Is it really true that a woman needs to be reassured all the time of how beautiful she is and how indispensable she is in a man's life? Is it true that the biggest turn on for a woman is to feel that she is needed and that her man with all his power and strength is "weak" in her arms?

If this is indeed true then husbands are in big trouble because modern life with all it's pressures is such that the only person bound to give a woman that kind of attention is the jobless neighbor or as in the recent case in Mombasa—the husband's driver.
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Secretly Investigate Unfaithful cheating spouse in Kenya
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It is said that women were created to be loved. What does a husband then expect when he mistreats and harasses his wife?

What is it with men anyway, expecting a woman to switch on and off her passion like a tap? The truth is that most men would really like their wives to be like the TV remote. You press this button and she orgasms noisily. You press another and she cooks you a meal fit for a king.

With this kind of knowledge it really isn't surprising that wives are increasingly being caught in all sorts of compromising situations. Don't get me wrong, I am not justifying extra-marital affairs. I am simply saying it as it is.

Men need to wake up. They also need to be much more sensitive to the needs of their wives.

These few remarks are designed to open a debate on this issue. The big question is this; are men the biggest contributor's to their wives extra-marital affairs? I look forward to your contribution.

Secretly Investigate Unfaithful cheating spouse in Kenya

See also;
Long suffering Kenyan beauty complains to Kumekucha about her lousy lovers

"Capable" Real Gikuyu Man Answers Woman Who Complained About Her Lousy Lovers

Sunday, March 11, 2007

The Most Convenient Way

For well over 30 years, the most convenient way to invest in silver has been through the Monex Desposit Company. Actually the timing right now is perfect for investment in this particular precious metal. Demand has outstripped supply and this has been the trend since 1990. For investment, silver is available in coin or ingot form with the latter being in pure bullion cast. Coins usually have a currency value or are also defined as ingots. Today, stockpiles of silver bullions are low, which just screams; buy, buy, buy to any would be investor. Precious metals, and especially silver, are the sort of investment that you will always be grateful that you made.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Real Gikuyu Man Answers Frustrated Beauty Who Complained About Her Lovers

Wewe Kumekucha,

If you do not publish this I will confirm that you are a coward with the agenda to discredit men of a certain prominent Kenyan community in this blog of yours. You have repeatedly done it on the political front and now you want to maliza kabisa on the social front.

The remarks of one so-called, allegedly frustrated Kikuyu beauty cannot go unchallenged. Every man out there with a Kikuyu woman knows the truth. They know where the problem really is. It is not with the men but with our women.

I can only classify them as the worst tease ever. They are mostly attractive. That is if you don't consider the ankle and lower legs area—and sometimes the posterior, which can be flat enough to use a T square on. But in bed, Aiii !#&@#! Let me say that they leave a lot to be desired and that is being very, very, very kind indeed.

As has been suggested by various insightful and intelligent persons who have left comments at the said second rate article post, the problem is not with Kikuyu men but with Kikuyu women and I am certain that this is where the problem is with this kawoman.

I have reformed but in the days when I was known as "bad news Kamau" I went through many Kikuyu women and they are all the same. Boring, stare at the ceiling waiting for something to happen and generally cold when they should be hot, detached when they should show some enthusiasm, silent when they should cry out and generally emit noises that can encourage better performance and without which plan B, which usually takes the whole episode to a higher level, can never be executed. I think that is the reason why I am not married to a fellow Kikuyu despite the best efforts of my good mum (bless her soul) in launching a serious Moi-project-Uhuru on me, in an attempt to impose a certain candidate for wife.

Some of my older friends say that the whole problem stems from the fact that many Kikuyus still circumcise their women, which is designed to kill sexual desire. I do not agree because many other tribes circumcise their women and they are still hot with a capital H. The Masai is one example. And another which I once had a personal unforgettable experience with, are the Merus. Wow!!

This Kikuyu beauty of yours, if she really exists, is the problem and now she is trying to pass the buck to Kikuyu men. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Kikuyu men and I believe that they are amongst the best in the market because apart from being good providers of which there is no argument about, we are also sensitive and skillful lovers.

The problem for centuries, has always been with our women. I believe that one of the reasons that causes our women to be so cold is that a very large percentage of them are gold diggers. Money comes first and it is what turns them on and probably off at times. I say off, because sometimes their minds wander off to what they are going to do with the guy's cash. I suspect that as they are staring at the roof and counting the ceiling partitions, they are most probably thinking about the other "S" which is much more important to them. The other "S" is of course shopping.

Read the post that provoked this article

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Long Suffering Kenyan Beauty Speaks Out On Her "Useless Kikuyu Lovers"

Amazing offer: Get a free sample of the best-selling book 101 brilliant business ideas that will thrive in Kenya. Email ckyalo at gmail dot com

Dear Kumekucha,

I have been inspired to write this from a comment that I saw in a discussion forum based on the article you did on why the Masai are such good lovers that mzungus come from very far looking for them.

Some Kikuyu woman (we know our men best) raised hell at the discussion forum when she advised Kikuyu men to read the article and learn something. I do not understand what all the fuss was about because what she said was true.

I have been trying to think very hard as to what the problem may be with our Kikuyu men. Yes, they are such good providers and shrewd entrepreneurs and businessmen (not like my former Mkamba man who was very good—at you know what—but wanted us to spend our entire lives in bed. He was just too comfortable with me paying all the bills, which naturally did not go down well with yours truly.

Is it that our Kikuyu men are thinking about business all the time (like the Mkambas seem to be thinking about how to please a woman all the time?). A married friend of mine tells me that she cannot identify with wives who complain about being pestered by husbands who expect them to switch into the mood the way somebody flips channels on a TV using a remote. For her she is the one who does the pestering and she ends up getting the excuse that her Kikuyu man is too tired and a whole month goes by like that. She even joked that if it was possible for that place to grow cobwebs then hers would be packed with the stuff from weeks and sometimes even months of neglect.

I am well aware that we are trying to fight tribalism in Kenya, but is it a coincidence that all my Kikuyu lovers have been more than useless? Actually bure kabisa. Foreplay is something that most Kikuyu men have never heard of. Frantic gropers (who never find the place—you know what place) is the best description I can give of their best attempts at foreplay. It is usually over before you even realize that anything has actually started.

What makes the whole thing worse is that they are very serious talkers when it comes to these matters. Listening to them one would think that they know what they are talking about. Alas, this is not the case, they almost always end up being bitter disappointments. How many times have I been left staring at the roof as the loud snores coming from the huffer and puffer sleeping next to me make sleep impossible?

Part of the problem, I think is from a kind of selfish streak (this is not for the consumption of those silly ODM-Kenya promoters littering the web who may want to pounce on this detail to prove that the Kikuyu are selfish when it comes to political leadership) I have noted in most Kikuyu men. In the early dates they stare and tend to be very attentive, even asking intelligent questions and repeating quite often how beautiful you are. In retrospect, I can say they always seem to be too perfect; something has to be wrong or not quite right when things seem to be too perfect. Now I know, from experience, what these Kikuyu men are usually thinking about when they pretend to be so attentive. They are probably just imagining and fantasizing about that anticipated moment between the sheets. Because the moment it is over, they will never pay any attention to anything you have to say, again, EVER.

I wonder when they will learn the truth that for a woman, the attention she gets from her man long before, before and after are the keys to "unlocking her." I anticipate many defensive answers from the culprits but what I have said is nothing but ukweli mtupu. If there is to be any hope for our Kikuyu men then it will have to start with a confession from their hearts, very similar to what happens at alcoholics anonymous. They must say: My name is Njoroge Wa Maheni and I am a woman's worst nightmare (bure kabisa) in bed. That is where the healing will start. Long before some lessons from the Masai and Kambas.

Angry real Gikuyu man answers long suffering Kenyan beauty

See also;
Errant Buru Buru Husband Taught a Lesson By Cheeky Wife

Amazing offer: Get a free sample of the best-selling book 101 brilliant business ideas that will thrive in Kenya. Email ckyalo at gmail dot com

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