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Thursday, July 31, 2008

How Important Is Age Difference In Relationships?

Visit any dating site and you will quickly realize how important age is to everybody envisaging a relationship with the opposite sex.

It seems that most people have remained pretty conservative in their ideas of how old their other half should be. The man must always be older by a few years, usually not more than 5 is ideal but beyond 10 would be pushing it.

But wait a minute, don’t we know of numerous very successful relationships where the woman is older? I know of these soul mates currently in a very passionate romance that will no doubt end up in marriage that have an age difference of almost 20 years—the man is older.

The truth is that love happens in the most unexpected way and cupid’s arrow does not carefully consider age before flying out into the night.

If this is true then the tragedy of it all is that there are too many lonely people out there who missed to connect with their soul mates because the age issue stood in the way and blinded them from seeing what was meant to be.

Of course the biggest stumbling block here is fear of what people will say. If your girlfriend is much younger than you are then the conclusion will be that she is a gold digger who is after your cash. If a man gets involved with an older woman then everybody will say that he’s after her cash even if she doesn’t have much of it.

However we all know that people have been talking since the beginning of time and they will continue to talk until the sun goes down for the last time. So the question one probably needs to ask themselves is whether they are prepared to let what people say stand between them and happiness. It is really as simple as that.

Older women bring many advantages into a relationship. They are usually more understanding and forgiving. Many men find them more skilled in bed as their experience usually kicks in.

Older men also bring the same plus points into a younger woman’s life. They also generally tend to be much more sensitive than younger men.


Dagoretti father who fell in love with his daughter

Where did you guys meet?

The world is full of lonely people desperately seeking romance. Don’t even talk about finding soul mates because many have completely given up and don’t believe that soul mates exist.

This is why the topic of where soul mates met is a fascinating one for most of us.

At the office

Interestingly the most common place where those in love have met is the workplace. Working so closely together, numerous office romances have blossomed. Sadly, many times this has happened despite the fact that one of the partners is already married (or otherwise engaged elsewhere). Many times both may be married to other people. Despite this complication, office romances continue to blossom.

At a Wedding

There is little doubt that most single people are thinking “marriage” when they attend weddings. Just the right frame of mind to spot your spouse of the future.

In the Matatu

In a recent very colorful wedding in Eldoret shortly before the post-election violence broke out, the two love birds met in a matatu in Mombasa. Strangely enough it was the woman who asked for the shy man’s cell phone number.

On the web

The World Wide Web has already shot up to number one in terms of the sheer volumes of relationships and marriages that it is responsible for initiating and developing. Tools like Facebook, dating sites, emails and IMs (Instant messaging) have brought (and continue to bring) happiness and marital bliss to hundreds of thousands all over the world.

My sister’s/brother’s best friend

I know of this man who fell in love with his kid sister’s best friend. Needless to say the two girls are no longer on talking terms. They haven’t spoken to each other for over 10 years now. But the marriage is still going strong 20 years later.

In the toilet

If there is any common thread that has clearly come out of my research into this topic, then it is the fact that romance usually happens at the most unexpected places when you least expect it. This guy was really pressed last July (cold weather puts pressure on the bladder for obvious reasons). All the men’s toilets at this building in the city centre where he was at the time, were locked. He desperately tried the doors to the lady’s and it swung open. On his way inside he bumped into this cute young lady who was outraged even as the man rushed past her. She waited for him to finish with the intention of giving him a piece of her mind about his appalling behaviour. Which she did, but ended up falling on love with him. The two have great difficulties when you ask them the simple question; by the way where did you guys meet?

A Night spot

Yes, it still happens at night spots and public social places. Although I am told that Tanzanian men will never marry a woman they met at some drinking place. But I can assure you that this one still works for Kenyans.

In bed

Some couples I know met in bed after sex. Lust leads them there and they end up finding true love after quenching their fires. This method is NOT recommended because it is highly risky, not everybody takes kindly to being asked after sex, “by the way what did you say your name was?”


Famous Kenyan beds mother and her daughter

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Business Success: Wild Animals Can Help

Watching wild animals in Africa hunting for food, is an extremely educative experience for marketers and those who want to dramatically increase their sales. The big cats are especially fascinating in their different hunting methods.

The lion usually has lots of difficulties hunting. This cat is built very big, strong and heavy. The result is that it is no match for the speed and agility of the antelope, its’ favourite meal. So the lion relies on stealth, surprise and the quick short dash – not unlike that of a well-built 100 metres sprinter. The lion’s advantage is in its’ strength which enables it to kill fairly large prey that would give smaller cats like the cheetah a lot of problems.

The cheetah has a totally different hunting method. This cat is light, agile and built for high speeds. No problems catching that small antelope in the herd scampering for safety. But unlike the lion, the cheetah cannot go for bigger prey (more meat) like the zebra or even larger antelopes.

You now fully understand why the lion cannot wake up one morning and decide that since it admires the cheetah’s sheer speed, it wants to hunt like a cheetah - or vice versa.

That should be obvious, should it not be?

Then why is it that businesses make this mistake every day?

The type of selling system (it’s actually a hunting system you know) you choose will depend a lot on what you are. Are you an agile, small young business with no bureaucracy or long-decision making process, not unlike the cheetah? Or are you that larger recently-prosperous-business struggling to maintain enough sales growth to sustain your cash-guzzling overheads, not unlike the lion?

This lesson came down hard on me a few years ago when I created a selling system that surpassed all expectations and grew a small magazine from a circulation of less than 500 copies to 120,000 copies weekly, in a few short months. The simple system employed the use of teaser flyers.

The mistake I made was that whilst basking in the glory of sweet, sensational success, I did not realize that the business had dramatically changed in size and therefore urgently required a NEW drastically different selling system. It was a classic case of the cheetah that grew into a lion but still wanted to hunt like a cheetah.

What system is best suited for your business right now is a critical question you will have to ask and answer if you hope to implement a successful selling system that will make a difference in your business.

Even before you get into something as detailed as a selling system, just looking at popular traditional marketing methods proves that one has to know what is appropriate for them. I have seen many small businesses reap mediocre results from an expensive television advertisement run during prime time. Where the same slot for a larger business would probably have broken the bank.

This is a lesson that’s easy to forget. The remedy? Every time it looks like you are forgetting, just find a way to watch the different wild cats of Africa hunting.

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Deadly Mother-in-laws Part 3 of 3

How To Deal With A Nasty Mother-in-Law

Does just the word, mother-in-law, spell terror in your life? This woman has assumed mythic proportions wielding criticism, guilt and coldness. When she visits, you feel like the police commissioner has marched into your home. When she interacts with the children, she is evaluating their manners, academic performance and everything – tracing it all back to you!

However, in reality you can dramatically improve the situation simply by understanding one simple thing. You and your mother-in-law are just two women in love with the same man.

When you understand this, all the conflicts and criticisms start to make sense.

Here are some useful advice that has helped other women faced with hostile mothers-in-law;

1. Let your mother-in-law know that she occupies the primary spot in her son’s heart and always will - after all she is his mother.

2. Stop licking your wounds and spring into action. Change the habitual responses and stick to neutral territory. Here are some suggestions to befriend your mother-in-law thereby making your husband and children happier:

* Have a sense of humor - See your life as a sit-com. Look at it from a distance.You laugh at the TV comedy, Everyone Loves Raymond, particularly Marie and Debra’s relationship; try to see the humor in your own relationship with your mother-in-law. Humor goes a long way to defuse hostility.

* Break the pattern of criticism - When your mother-in-law criticizes you, listen calmly for a few minutes then distract her by changing the topic, pulling out some photos of the children, new make-up or a magazine about a subject she’s interested in like gardening, golf or shopping. Get her into grandma mode by having your children sing, perform or show an award they received.

* Reinterpret negatives into positives - Anything can be reinterpreted! Be creative and release the anger. Practice it so often that it becomes a reflex action. For example, if your mother-in-law doesn’t even refer to you by your name, if you don’t even merit a “hey, you,” then reinterpret to, “She’s being sensitive to my needs. It is awkward for her as I am not her daughter. So rather than confront me or offend me, she avoids calling me anything.”

* Affirm your mother-in-law. Compliment the qualities you want to reinforce. Wouldn’t you do this with your child or pet? You don’t want to comment on bad behavior and create the self-fulfilling prophecy.

* Schedule one-on-one time around her interests to do something fun together: a day at the spa, lunch and shopping, visit the new exhibit. Get to know her on a personal level and bond. Ask about her dreams, her career and her past. Knowledge is power!

* Be patient and lower your expectations. Don’t envision an immediate transformation or a Kodak moment of love. You can expect mutual respect and loyalty. One step at a time. It took my mother-in-law twenty years to love me, but she finally came around. Where there is life, there is hope.

3. Get spouse support. Does your husband or wife support you? Don't criticize the mother-in-law, just calmly state "It hurt my feelings when your mother implied that I made you move here/made you change jobs/made you buy a new car. Be aware that there is a belief that mothers-in-law often assume that daughters-in-law are terrible manipulators who wickedly control their son's lives. Don't make judgemental comments as she does, but let your husband know that it hurts. Most men do not want their wives to be hurt, and you are entitled to share this with your husband (your best friend). Do not criticize her, but don't protect her either.

4. Distance yourself physically. You don't need to move, but you also don't need to show up at every event. Just be busy doing something else. Always make it easy for your husband to go without you (after all, this is his mother). Often the son still goes to some things, but drops some things as well, because he wants to be with his family. Do not discourage your spouse from attending family functions! But it is important that you protect yourself and stay away when you choose, and you should be aware that sometimes he will choose to stay home, too. Do not feel guilty! You have to protect yourself.

5. Remember that it's highly unlikely that she'll change. If your mother-in-law has criticized you, stabbed you in the back to other family members, and has been dismissive of things you've said, she is making a very clear statement about this "relationship". Believe her. She may be occasionally nice. Judgemental, negative people often do this; they do something nice to reel you in, and then grab the opportunity to make a jab at you. If she's done this, remember to keep your distance even when she's being nice. You are more important than your relationship to your mother-in-law! Take care of yourself. Let the hopes go. Look to other women for mentoring, advice, kindness, role modeling. You have to write this woman off. It's not going to happen.

6. You are entitled to a peaceful life. You do not owe this woman anything. She's just a person, and if her behavior is ugly, she isn't entitled to any sort of special respect. Mothers-in-law sometimes assume that they're going to be a powerful matriarch. No. Respect and admiration are earned. If she doesn't deserve it, you're certainly entitled to protect yourself, and keep strong boundaries.

7. If she really attacks you, your husband needs to support you. Your spouse can simply phone her and said "I heard you say X to my wife. I don't think that's appropriate. Do not do it again." (Note: it is very important that your husband not leave you alone with her! He needs to be a witness! Otherwise, she'll say that your interpretation of events is incorrect, etc.). But if she does something in front of your spouse, your spouse can say that it bothered him. This is key. And it is your spouse's responsibility to handle his own mother, just as you should deal with your family, and he shouldn't have to. Mothers-in-law sometimes "lay in wait" until no one else is in the room (including their own husbands, whom they want on their side). Do not be alone with her. If you find yourself alone with her, immediately get up and go to the bathroom, take a walk, do whatever you need to in order to NOT be alone with her.

Most important learn to live with the things in life that you cannot change, a nasty mother-in-law being one of them.

How beautiful girls date but remain virgins for their wedding night

How A Solar Energy Company Came Up With An Ingenious Selling System

In the last two days we have been talking about marketing or selling systems and today I want to wrap up this important topic by giving a few more practical examples that will prove that getting a selling system for your small business will undoubtedly revolutionize things.

I was amazed when I was told how the most successful solar and alternative energy company in Kenya got its’ start. Its’ founder actually created an amazing selling system. Installing solar panels requires a very high initial cash outlay meaning that not everybody can afford it. So naturally the first thing this business owner did was to establish if his prospect had the financial resources to pay. Once he had confirmed this he approached the house owner and offered to install solar panels, lights and everything into the house. The home owner would then be allowed to enjoy it for a few days. The deal was simple. When the solar man came back, the owner had a choice of paying for it or if he was not interested then the solar company would simply uninstall all their stuff and he would owe them nothing. Not surprisingly 9 out of 10 homes in which they installed their solar panels ended up paying. This is a powerful marketing system that works wonders.

In the days when I was a conventional print publisher, I managed to launch a very successful weekly print magazine. I started off using a conventional selling system through news vendors which still worked until one day. The main vendor whom I used to sell most of the copies and also distributed to others for some reason was unable to pay me for what he had sold. Our usual arrangement was that when I took him the new issue, he would pay me for sales of the previous one and I would then give him the new one. I found myself stuck with a very large number of magazines and nowhere to sell them. It took me about 3 weeks of trial and error to come up with an amazing new selling system that multiplied my circulation many times over. I created a small miniature edition that summarized the content of the main magazine. I would then get my own sellers who would distribute the miniature edition for free. As a result of this selling system my circulation climbed steeply to a point where I was easily selling thousands of copies.

Sit down and ask yourself what your customers and prospects really want and then find a selling system and your business will never be the same again.

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Monday, July 28, 2008

Deadly Mother-in-laws Part 2 of 3

Yesterday we read the horrifying real life tale of what a mother-in-law did to completely and ruthlessly destroy her son’s marriage. There are many other horror stories that happen all the time in many homes across Kenya.

So what can a woman really do when the mother of the man she loves does not like her?

It is important to understand that chances of you and your mother-in-law being friends are really slim. So don’t push it. Just like your man can never really be great friends to your mother. There are exceptions to the rule of course (personally I know a few). But the reality here is that his mother instinctively feels that you are taking away her son from her, how can she like you? This is important to grasp because many women go through life miserable believing that their husband’s mother doesn’t like them because there is something wrong with them.

Actually the severity of your problems will heavily depend on just how close your man is to his mother. The closer they are, the more serious a problem you will have in your hands.

The truth is that many folks do not realize that mothers-in-law are notorious for breaking up marriages and relationships on very flimsy grounds. These “excuses” for causing their sons to part with their women range from; “she is not clean” to “she doesn’t know how to cook, my son will starve” to “she is a mchawi.” Interestingly the last accusation is common where the woman is so deeply in love with her man which may cause him to change in many ways. So the poor woman gets accused of witchcraft when the only “madawa” she has given to the man is love. Incidentally many people including this writer believe that passionate love is a form of “uchawi” which causes people to do very strange things. However it is not the negative “uchawi” that many mothers-in-law have in mind against their poor daughters-in-law.

But the women who suffer most in the hands of these “monsters-in-law” are the ones who for some reason are unable to conceive and give birth.

You will hear cruel comments like; “What is that woman still doing in his house.” Notice that she ceases to be his wife and becomes “that woman.”

It actually helps a great deal when there is a father-in-law in the picture. Indeed it has been proven that the most notorious mothers-in-law are single parents who have always been way to close to their sons. Somehow the presence of a man in the home tends to make a huge difference and it becomes a lot more difficult for the mothers-in-law to get involved in excesses.

In the final part of this series tomorrow we examine tips on how to deal with your mother-in-law. Don’t miss it.

Men who pick up decent women on the streets

The Most Important Money-Making Secret

You are about to discover the most important secret for making money not only online but anywhere. Without this gem you will struggle for the rest of your life and no matter what business you start or program you join for making money online success will remain elusive.

However if you grasp and embrace this little secret, then it will hardly matter what Internet money making program you are involved in because everything you touch will literally turn into pure gold.

Let me also warn you like most secrets you really need to "see" it. Dozens of you will read right through it and mutter "oh yeah, yeah," under their breadth but the truth will be that they have not grasped it. In other words although they have read about it, they have failed to "see it."

The secret is simply this. All you need is a system.

There is a system for everything under the sun. For the presidential elections, there is a detailed electoral system. And no company large or small would dream of opening their doors for business before they have set up an accounting system. Factories have a production system and so on. A system makes it possible to organize work and get it done. A system is a laid down proven way of doing things to get a task done.

Now the big mystery is why most businesses do not bother with a marketing system. Yet marketing is more important than production and even accounting because if there are no sales all other departments and beautifully designed systems will be idle.

That's the most important make money online and make-money-anywhere secret. All you require is a proven system that works and making the money online will be a breeze. Let me admit that designing a system that generates hot sales leads regularly and then turns as many of them as possible into paying customers and clients is not a joke. It is very hard work. That is why I recommend that you either copy somebody else's workable system or join a program that has a marvelous ready-to-use marketing and selling system. When you do this, success will be guaranteed. I assure you, there is no way you can fail.


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Mother-in-law or monster-in-law?

The following true story illustrates just how damaging mothers in law can be when for some reason they do not like their son’s wives or girlfriends.

Ndungu and Shiro had started their affair when Ndungu was still at the Nairobi University. It did not matter that Shiro came from a very poor family because Ndungu too had been brought up in a lot of hardships. The central character in his life was his mother who had done all sorts of things to keep him in school. She dug people’s shambas and even did what was considered to be men’s jobs to earn cash to pay for his fees. It was even rumoured that in one desperate moment she had sold her own body to get some urgently required cash for her beloved only son to do an important exam whose deadline was dangerously close.

Her efforts bore fruit when Ndungu graduated from the University with a degree in a highly sort after professional field and the money started pouring in almost immediately he left campus.

When Mama Ndungu first met Shiro she had not even been aware of the fact that there was a woman “out to eat his money,” as she put it. She of course did not want to hear that Shiro had played her part in supporting Ndungu through university (she had even given him money many times).

Shiro decided that there was nothing she could do about the mother of the man she loved who openly hated her so much that they never even greeted each other whenever they would meet. What she did not know was that the crafty old woman had launched a war which she knew she would easily win.

If you are reading this, just remember this one simple fact; you cannot compete with your guy’s mother. You met the guy when he had grown all his teeth and the woman you are up against changed his nappies. So who do you think knows him better?

One day Ndungu unexpectedly brought a house help from upcountry and Shiro was delighted because she really did need some help in the house with her two small daughters. Little did she know that the first part of an evil plan by her mother in law was in place.

Shiro in fact liked the house-help. She was polite and obedient and did not do anything to raise her suspicion. But Shiro made one other deadly error. Whenever her husband came home late from his evening drink, she would not get out of bed to serve him and would instead allow the house help to warm the food and serve him. This information of course trickled back to Ndungu’s mother through her able spy, the humble house help.

So one day the husband came home and shortly after the house help warmed and served him the food, she started crying. Women’s tears usually alarm men and Ndungu panicked, just as his mother knew he would. He carefully enquired from her in their mother tongue what the problem was. The house help told him that mama watoto (Shiro) had poisoned the food and she had been forced to serve it and yet she knew it contained poison that would kill him.

Ndungu could not believe his ears but fetched his wife from bed. She was angry at being woken up and still groggy from sleep. Ndungu told her what he had been told and then tried to force her to eat the food he had been served with.

What happened next has been debated on for years. Most people say that there was some witchcraft used to confuse Shiro because she refused to eat the food to prove that there was no poison in it. Later Shiro told her friends that she was not sure exactly why she refused but she knows she was very angry, angrier than she had ever been in her life, that her husband would believe what he had been told by the maid and suspect her. And after everything they had been through together. It was also known that Shiro had a very nasty temper. So that is probably what caused her to make the crucial mistake of refusing to eat the food. This to the husband was ample evidence that the food was indeed poisoned.

It is further rumoured that the tasty food Chicken and rice was eaten by the house help that very night because the next day when elders wanted the food to take for testing to verify whether it had poison or not it had vanished. It was not in the dustbin which the stammering maid claimed she threw it in. And the only person who had been left in the house was the houshelp because Ndungu got Shiro into the car with her night dress there and then and all her belongings thrown into the car boot and he then drove her all the way to her parents home in Muranga. They started the journey from Nairobi at about 2 am in the morning.

To cut a long sad story short. That was the end of the marriage between Ndungu and Shiro. Shortly after they separated Ndungu’s mother moved into the house and this is where she lives to date apart from an occasional trip upcountry that she makes. Ndungu has since remarried an old Mzungu woman and has kicjed out his daughters who now live a hard life they never knew.

I leave you to digest this real life experience until tomorrow when we will discuss this topic of mothers-in-law and how they mess up relationships and marriages tomorrow.


Horrors of what husbands do with their wives

A simple system that turned a bankrupt magazine into a cash machine in weeks

The two principal shareholders of the magazine stared back at me in disbelief as I calmly explained the simple rescue plan we would use to save the ailing monthly business magazine. Exhaustion and desperation were written all over their faces and in a way I felt pity for them.

The pair had already lost a small fortune in just one year of operation. The only reason why they had not shut down the damned thing was that they were hoping for some miracle that would recover at least half their life savings.

But then theirs is the story of hundreds of thousands of would-be-entrepreneurs the world over who continue to launch thousands of new magazines every year without the very special skills that are required to run this complex and yet extremely potential business.

All they had left at this bankrupt magazine now was a small demoralized sales team ready to quit the moment they found jobs elsewhere. No reporters, no writers, no budget to get good writers on board.

I quickly called a meeting and tried to inspire the shabby remnant, assuring them that the magazine was now in good hands and that things would improve. Luckily they did not sense the cold fear creeping up my spine nor did they seem to realize that I had already broken into a cold sweat. In business there are no guarantees - you win some and you lose others. What right did I have to make all these promises? What if I failed in this assignment?

I proceeded to swiftly train the handful of sales people and changed them from advertising sales persons into "reporters". They were to go out and gather information.

Gather information!? When you need revenue so badly?

Hold your horses and read on.

We developed a simple system consisting of the following steps,

1) "Reporter" calls up a potential client and books an appointment for an interview.

2) I accompany them to the interview and I do both a thorough and professional job of it.

3) After the interview, we make an editorial decision whether the material merited a feature article in the magazine or not. And if it did whether the story will end up being positive or negative. (Any publisher will tell you that bad news sells much better than good news.)

If it merited a positive story, we would go ahead and write the story and then later approach the same client to book an advertisement so as to get a double maximum impact in the same issue. Alternatively they would have their advertisement appear in a future issue.

4) If the story was negative we could not approach the source to place an ad in the magazine. We would instead go ahead and write our big story with a little additional research from other sources. The reporter would then approach a competitor to the business in question (who was not in the same mess) for an advertisement.

5) Other times an interview supplied us with a tip to pursue another company or organization for a lead story, which we would also do.

Using this simple system that maximized on the meager resources that were available, we literally killed two birds with one stone. The sales team were able to get very good quality leads for advertising sales and turned most of them into much needed solid sales. The big secret here is that they were able to use the writer's interview session to build rapport with the client/news source.

Secondly, in the process we were able to do quality research work for all the stories we carried in the magazine which improved our readership and the confidence of advertisers as well on the quality of the monthly business publication.

This was of course combined with some careful house-keeping where we kept a very careful eye on costs by designing a system that would monitor costs on a daily basis. Within 8 weeks the magazine was making a profit and in one year, if you came calling, you would not believe it was the same previously dying magazine.

It was all made simpler by the fact that we were dealing with a business magazine, because this type of magazine is in the unique situation where the newsmakers can also be the main advertisers.

Magazines can be very profitable. They can also be huge cash drains. It all depends on you doing the following;
Creating workable systems for generating revenue through selling advertising and other systems for generating revenue from subscription and single copy sales. The systems you create must be so simple that the staff training required will be minimal.

It's as simple as that. And that's exactly how I turned around an ailing business magazine.

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Friday, July 25, 2008

Why sex hampers relationships


Sidney Sheldon’s classic Stranger in the mirror has a fascinating tale of how a woman landed a husband.

The woman was very desirable but also very generous with her favors to any man who was vaguely interested (if you know what I mean). So she decides for some reason that she wants to get married to this particular guy. Now the guy is a famous entertainer and women usually just can’t wait to jump into bed with him. So he expects the same from this woman. He is in for a shock and despite trying every trick in the book, he just can’t have her. All this time his feelings and desire for her are growing in leaps and bounds. Of course he ends up marrying her.

The point here is that the longer sex is delayed in a relationship, the greater that relationship ends up being. Clearly sex is a great hindrance to the development of a relationship. It tends to turn everything into a physical messy, sweaty thing where love flies out of the window much faster than you can say; “I am coming.”

You need to start by understanding that for most men, landing a woman in bed is a game. And the game is usually over for all intents and purposes when they have poured themselves into you or the condom they are wearing. Everything that happens after that is just for show to postpone the inevitable just a little longer. The feelings that set are usually of dis-respect and they say to themselves something like; was that what she was playing so hard for me to get? Is that all? Hakuna kitu hapo.

Terrible thing for a human being to think and feel over another one of the same species, but sadly it happens all the time.

For a woman, sex usually makes them develop very passionate feelings for the man. More so if the sex was great. In most cases while the man wants to bolt ASAP, the woman will be thinking to herself how it can be forever.

But if on the other hand a relationship grows without sex, the couple has a great chance to really get to know each other and 6 months down the line, or even more, without sex or even as much as a kiss will usually mean that this is something serious that definitely has long-term prospects.

And this talk you hear all the time these days about people swearing that they are soul mates after knowing each other for just a few weeks and followed by some great sex before the first month is up is just silly and folks cheating themselves.


Previous relationship stories

How to ask for sex in marriage

Will those stretch marks cause romance to fly out of the window?

How to say, "I love you" without causing panic

Do Kenyan men like women who watch porn?

How do super-earners make $100,000 online?

Many Kenyans don’t know it but the truth is that there are people out there who comfortably make $100,000 a month online consistently month after month. Most of them are involved with what are called affiliate programs.

What are affiliate programs?

An affiliate is really a commission agent. All they do is direct traffic to a certain website and they then get a commission from the sales that are generated from the traffic that they have referred to the site. The advantages of this kind of arrangement over launching one’s own site or business are obvious. As an affiliate entrepreneur, you do not get involved in production, shipping and all the other many hassles involved in running a successful online business. All you is concentrate on sending traffic to the website and then they take care of everything else and pay you your commission for your trouble.

The affiliate system was invented by Jeff Bezos, the founder of the multi-billion shilling site Amazon.com.

So how does one manage to be a super affiliate earning a monthly six-figure income?

The truth is that it is not easy, although more and more people are doing it these days. Especially youngsters who are barely legal but understand the World Wide Web and how it works.

For starters you will need to be fairly good at generating targeted traffic online. Actually you need to be an expert at things like search engine optimization as this is the only way that you will manage to drive large amounts of traffic to your affiliate web site and thus be able to earn those fantastic incomes that people are earning.

One huge advantage that you already have is the fact that the World Wide Web is a wonderful educational tool and if you put your mind to it you can learn to be anything.

Get more information NOW about how you too can make money online Or email strongwallafrica@yahoo.com for details.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

How to ask for sex in marriage

Everybody knows that the two key areas where most problems emerge and most fights start from in any relationship are namely sex and money.

But most are slow to talk about sex probably because they find it way to embarrassing. The main culprits here, it has to be admitted, are the men.

Picture the following scenario. Your wife has been busy all day in the office and heads to the kitchen the moment they arrive at home to make sure that everything is exactly as you like it. She then helps the kids with the homework and does a million other things in the house while you watch KTN news on TV and catch up with the latest episode of “24.” However when you get to bed you will rush to demand your conjugal rights with the insensitivity of an animal. Of course even if you do get it, the quality is bound to be very poor because her mind (don’t even mention the heart) is really not in it.

Men need to start by understanding that women are not like your PC which you switch on and instantly get to do whatever you want as long as you know the commands. Women are emotional creatures but the best policy is to treat them like a bank account. That is you can only withdraw what you have put in, and if you are a little more patient and put the money in the right account, you may be able to draw it out with some “interest.”

Do something nice to please her. Buy her that dress she talks about all the time. Or those shoes you admire in your co-worker. This is not to say that everything you do for her has to involve cash. By being just a little considerate in many small things, you will be amazed at the change that comes over her. You will not be any less of a man by helping out with the dishes. Or throwing out the trash. Or tidying up the store or backyard a few minutes before the TV news starts.

But the biggest problem men have is I how they ask for sex in the bedroom. It ranges from a growl (not unlike that of a lion) to wife rape, pure and simple. PLEASE STOP. You are dealing with a lady here, not another man like you, surely. Women need to always be handled tenderly and with a lot of care.

10 Creative ways men can ask their women for sex

1. Be nice to her. Compliment her on the things about her that really turn you crazy.

2. Buy her chocolate on your way from the office and some flowers. Done right you won't even need to ask for anything. You will get it on a silver platter.

3. Buy her that really expsnive dress she has always wanted. Will yield same results as "2" above.

4. Wash the dishes or do a chore for her that she really hates. (This one works like magic).

5. Listen attentively as she bitches about everything and anybody. Ask questions now and then to show her that you are listening. You will be shocked at the mood she will be in when you get to bed.

6. Talk dirty. WARNING: This can only work if she is already in the mood.

7. If she wants kids and you don't have any yet, start a discussion on the sex of your baby or how cute he/she will look like.

8. If your wife works like you, when she gets home from work massage her and don't allow her to do any work in the house. Well, if you want it you have to work for it kijana so don't just groan and move to the next tip.

9. Stare at her breasts or thighs and when she asks you what you are doing, tell her honestly what that part of her anatomy does to you.

10. Look for creative pick-up lines on the internet and modify them slightly to suit your objective.

Good luck. :-)

How to take your small business online

…or even launch a brand new one online

Many Kenyans dismiss the Internet as being way too complex for somebody to want to dare invest in an online business.

How do you collect money, how do you makes sales or advertise to prospects? It all seems so complex and impossible to do.

Yet for a distant investor and even an existing small business, the World Wide Web offers an amazing opportunity for profit to those who understand its’ sheer power. Actually the minute you grasp the power of the web, you will go to great lengths to try and learn how best to market and do business online.

So let us try and examine this issue first.

Any experienced entrepreneur will tell you that in most businesses, the biggest headache they have is in distribution. You have a product to sell so how does it reach your customer or the end-user? If you have a simple product like some nice buns or cakes you have baked and you wanted to sell as many of them as possible, you would walk around the whole day distributing them to small shops, kiosks and other outlets where your prospective clients flock to daily. Here there are endless problems you are bound to face. Shopkeepers will Not want to pay you cash and will prefer to sell the products first and pay you later. That is where the headache starts and you will soon find yourself spending most of your time running around chasing the cash for the buns and cakes that were sold a week or two ago instead of doing the actual baking of new supplies.

In sharp contrast, doing any business online has numerous advantages. To start with you do not have a middleman and you can sell directly to your customer and still have a viable business. Indeed every day more and more Kenyans are discovering how easy and convenient it is to do business online.

Here is a simple idea to help you open up your mind to the vast opportunities available.

You are running a video library and since people are so busy these days, they hardly have time to come down to your shop and spend hours browsing around for the right movie to watch. So what you do is launch a simple site where you have a brief synopsis what every movie you’ve stocked is about. You can even make things more interesting by having giving discounts or free movies to some of your clients to write down their opinions and brief reviews of the movies they have watched. Your clients register and choose the movies they want (they can even pay for them online because it is easy to create your own online payment system) and they are then delivered to their homes or their offices within hours. Your site can also link to sites showing the trailers of some of these movies. There should be a huge demand for this kind of business in many major towns in the country. Starting and running the whole thing online I even easier because you can start without investing in any stocks and purchase the movies only as they are ordered. Or work out a rental arrangement with a major movie distributor or stockist and re-hire out your movies with a reasonable mark-up.

In fact numerous other services can benefit greatly by moving online in this way. For example a laundry service for suits and ties.

The web is very convenient because people can order things and shop while they are still in the office which saves them a lot of time and the mad rush from work to the shops to buy stuff before they close in the evenings.

If you do not have an existing offline business that can be expanded online, you can still think of a brand new business that you can launch that is exclusively online.

Want to get involved in a simple online business that will earn you cash even as you learn the ropes? Email NOW

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Will those stretch marks cause him to stop loving you?

It is quite normal for people in a relationship to worry about how they look.

Men are increasingly concerned about their beer bellies and have nightmares about them looking like those policemen whose pot bellies bulge out of the tight copper uniforms in such a way that they look like they will give birth at any time.

Women worry about a lot of things including pots. But perhaps the most common cause for concern will surprise most men. This is because women never admit it but it occupies their thoughts quite a lot.

These are stretch marks. There are many circumstances in life that result in stretch marks but of concern is how ugly most women find them. Those small marks that may not be that easy to notice actually cause lots of stress and concern to many.

To make matters worse they are not that easy to get rid of. In fact they are virtually impossible to deal with.

We asked a few men what they really think about ugly stretch marks. Here is what they had to say;

“Are you talking about those ugly things that old mama’s get? Kwani chics get them?”

“I think women worry for nothing. Those things are hardly noticeable and anyway when hey get naked there is no time to look at those things…if you know what I mean.”

“It depends where those stretch marks are. The no no areas are the thighs. Anywhere else is very bearable.”

“Women never cease to amaze me. They want to lose weight but then they don’t want stretch marks. How? Tell me how you can lose weight but manage to avoid them.”

“Stretch marks? What are those?”

Business ideas for distant investors: Technique will grow your money quickly


As a follow up to my previous article, today we start to examine the various business and investment ideas that a distant investor can consider.

There are quite a number of Kenyans who have made a killing on the Nairobi stock exchange in recent years. Oh yes, I am well aware that the cases you most frequently hear about are those of people losing money. However what you may not know about is a technique used fairly successfully by many people all over the world that virtually guarantees a rapidly growing portfolio and huge profits from investing in any stock exchange.

The stock exchange obviously has several attractions for distant investors, the first being that you do not have any overheads or staff to worry about.

Let me try and explain in simple non-technical language about this amazing technique. It is really simple. What you need to do is carefully study the movements of a particular company share. Usually they all have their highs and lows and tend to oscillate between the two. So what you simply do is buy the share when it hits it’s low and then wait for it to climb only slightly and sell. The point at which you sell is very important because the reason why people lose money on stock exchanges is greed. They wait for the share to appreciate as much as possible so as to maximize on their profits. Remember that when a stock approaches its’ high point, selling it becomes very difficult. The whole idea is to aim to make only tiny small margins from the shares you buy and sell but tend to do it much more frequently and spread over as many different stocks as possible.

With the advent of wonderful computer technology these days it is very easy to issue sell instructions so that the second a share hits the desired price your shares are automatically put up for sale.

Using this technique your losses would be very minimal if anything went wrong or even if the market collapsed altogether as opposed to those who invest over much longer periods of time.

It is very important to remember that if you intend to be a regular and heavy investor in stocks it is prudent that you do your homework just as you would have done if you were entering any other business. Read up a lot and use the valuable World Wide Web as much as you can.

Tomorrow: Yet another idea for you to consider.

Monday, July 21, 2008

How To Say “I Love You…” and Not Cause Them To Bolt

Everybody knows that men hate any kind of commitment. Indeed many women imagine (maybe quite rightly) that the worst nightmare a man can have is a woman telling them that she loves him. Or even worse, that she is pregnant. Both light up the red light and warning bells ring very loudly in a man’s mind because they all point to commitment which seems to be the last thing most men want.

Some women who have gotten carried away in a relationship and made the mistake of telling a man that they love them have ended up very hurt not only at the immediate reaction but the behaviour of the man soon after the encounter. Basically they bolt and run as fast as their legs can carry them.

In our modern world many men also find themselves in a situation where they tell a woman they love them and yet that is not the reason why the woman is in the relationship in the first place. If you make this mistake you will suddenly find that it is so difficult to get a date with her and she suddenly becomes too busy and occupied to see you.

So how do you say “I love you” without messing up your relationship?

It starts with the kind of honesty some people are not capable of. If your man only has you over for sex, then that is all it is, the word “love” does not come in and there is no way you can force it in. Try “lust instead. If the woman you think is your girl friend is always too busy to see you, then obviously love is not in the horizon, leave and continue your search for “the one.” She’s still out there somewhere… waiting.

But even if you are sure that your partner loves you, there are some two very important rules to observe. Firstly make sure that the timing is right. If it is the end of a very hard day and you have managed to somehow squeeze in sometime together, obviously they have plenty on their mind and to make matters worse, the next day is a working day. This is not the right time to bring up such a “heavy” topic of discussion.

Secondly it is important to break it easy. A good idea is to start off telling them that you really enjoy their company and are developing feelings for them. You just don’t blurt out; “I love you.”

This kind of approach of breaking it easy gives your partner breathing space and a better chance to respond. They can either tell you that is exactly the same way they feel, or they can admit that this love thing is not really for them.

This can save you a lot of hurt in a relationship.

Do Kenyan men fancy women who watch porn?

Want to make money back home in Kenya?

One of the most daunting challenges for many prospective small business entrepreneurs these days is how to run a business from a distance.

Kenyans in the Diaspora trying to invest back home are keenly aware of what I am talking about here. Indeed even those who are employees somewhere and are desperately trying to start a small business on the side will immediately identify with what I am talking about here.

What frustrates many first time entrepreneurs is the fact that they do not seem to be able to replicate what happens at their work place where the business owners never set foot on the premises and yet the business runs and yields good profits year after year.

This is a big mistake. It is ridiculous to compare a start up you are trying to get off the ground to the established business you work for that has time-honored systems that have been in place for years.

Interestingly some successful small business entrepreneurs who still work elsewhere have launched their businesses by taking leave and for a whole month, setting up structures and getting the business off the ground, so that by the time they leave to go back to work, everything is working like clockwork. Admittedly this happens very rarely because anybody with a little experience in running a business will tell you that it takes months and sometimes years before a small business can finally get off its’ feet.

Something really useful to remember when launching your small business is that you should carefully choose what type of business you want to get involved with as a distant investor. This is because if you are not careful you can easily be robbed blind or lose your entire investment.

This is one of the reasons why real estate has been so attractive to most Kenyans in the Diaspora investing back home. All that is needed is to find a close relative to supervise the construction after you have gotten good estimates from professionals. When the rental houses are done rent is then collected and it is virtually impossible for anybody to rob you. To make things even easier, one can simply purchase an apartment or two that has already been constructed in one of the up-market locations in Nairobi. These kind of apartments for sale have been popping up like pop corn all over the place. This explains the current property glut in Nairobi where rentals (especially in high income areas) have dramatically fallen. There are just too many of those houses that have come up in recent years.

This has made such an investment increasingly unattractive for anybody looking for good returns on their investment. The result is that many Kenyans have chosen to avoid this business altogether. What they need to consider is that Kenya has many other very viable places for property investment where anybody who is a little patient can make a killing.

There is Mombasa, Kenya’s second largest city. This writer has been informed of a very interesting development in this costal city. There is massive investment pouring into Mombasa and this has caused a serious shortage of housing. Considering that land in many parts of Mombasa is still so cheap, this is definitely a place worth careful consideration.

Many small towns surrounding Nairobi are yet another viable location to look at. It is pretty obvious that the city is rapidly expanding outwards and infrastructure will soon be in place to make it feasible for people working in the city to live in places as far away as Machakos for example. Anybody purchasing land now and putting up good housing will not have very long to wait.

(To be continued: Tomorrow we look at brilliant small business ideas for distant investors to consider)

Friday, July 18, 2008

Young couple’s business fails to recover after post election violence





For many Kenyan entrepreneurs, life has never been the same again since the ill-fated presidential elections of last year. Indeed the grand coalition government’s former finance minister Amos Kimunya kept on talking about the country being on the right track to recovery without acknowledging the fact that there are many businesses in many small businesses in parts of the country that will probably never recover.

Today Wangari a young ambitious business woman from Naivasha tells her story to Kumekucha;

I am a young, ambitious and focused lady. I am 25yrs old and married.

By the way my roots are in Othaya, Central province but I dislike the man who I used to admire so much i.e Kibaki. I was always proud to say I hail from Othaya but as of now I never want to be associated with this man.

Anyway back to my story. I grew up in Nairobi and was just about to go to university in 2003 but my parents couldn't afford it and so I got a job to keep me busy. My boyfriend then (now my hubby) decided to move to Naivasha to look for greener pastures. He set up the business that we now have and things started looking up, I followed him shortly afterwards and decided to settle here.

I fee very sad today because just last year I even had hopes and plans that by the end of this year (2008) we'd be in our own home. But now that seems to be an impossible dream well beyond our reach.

We deal in mobile phones and airtime sales and as you know it was the craze and still is for people to get the latest stylish cell phone. From 2004 until the end of 2007, we have seen steady growth in our business and we had several outlets within rift valley which were doing very well until Dec 2007.

After the disputed elections followed by the violence, we have been forced to close down most of our outlets and even the remaining ones are not doing well. The cost of living for most Kenyans has skyrocketed so much that it has badly affected our type of business. People are struggling to survive with the high inflation and low incomes, they really don’t have anything to spare to get luxury goods like cell phones. From a business where daily sales of Kshs 100,000 were the norm we now record even as low as 10,000 on a good day.

I had hoped that this government would be more sensitive and be more conscience about the local mwananchi but clearly, all they think about is themselves, their selfish ambitions and their pockets. Considering that we had made a milestone between 2003 and 2007 despite all the politicking, I had assumed that as from 2008 things would be even better and the sky would be the limit. My plans to secure a home and go back to school have now been put on hold. It’s like starting from scratch again.

But even with the grand coalition government in place I don’t see Kenya going far, all they are doing is back stabbing each other. Sorry to say this but I think we need to go back to the polls to elect people willing to work for the country and not for their pockets.

Even my own MP for Naivasha is not doing anything for us. He is of no help to the people who elected him. All he is busy with is fighting Jane Kihara in court. Even the CDF office has been closed and supposedly re-located elsewhere.

That's my story and my take on how things are looking, I hope one day I will be able to influence people by my actions and I will be a role model to others.

I admire Wangari Maathai for taking a stand (please do a story on her, the good and the bad).

That's my story, please don’t use my real name and anytime you need a contributor, I'll be more than happy to pitch in. I am tired of being the problem, its time I became part of the solution.

Small business Kenya Special resumes on Monday. Don’t miss it.

Do Kenyan men like women who watch porn?




Love and Relationship Headaches


It all happened quite by accident and she suddenly found herself in a very difficult situation in a relationship she highly valued and wanted very much to work out. After all she was not getting any younger.

Her boyfriend had come over and she had left him playing around with her laptop as she took a quick bath. The minute she came out of the bathroom she knew that there was something amiss. It was the way he looked at her. Was that a look of disgust on his face?

“You mean you watch porn?” he had asked accusingly? Somehow the guy had found a few clips she thought she had hidden well in some folders in her computer.

So what do most Kenyan men really think of women who watch porn? I interviewed a number of them and to be honest was shocked at what I found out.

Many single Kenyan women these days regularly watch porn. They may not readily admit it to their guy but it is widely available on the World Wide Web. And people just watch it sometimes. Many are attracted to it by curiosity, others for a myriad of other reasons that will be the subject of another article here at a later date.

Interestingly my research tells me that most of them are forced to tell a fib if the man in their life asks them the question directly; do you watch porn on the web? In many ways this is very disturbing and stressful to many women because the truth is that generally they feel very guilty when they have to tell their boyfriends lies about personal stuff. At least most of them do. But then who wants to end their relationship on such a note. Imagine confessing to your girlfriends one day the real reason why you and him drifted apart; it was because I like watch porn occasionally. Yikes!!!

The truth is that most Kenyan men surveyed are uncomfortable about their future wife watching porn. And the most ridiculous thing of all is that most of these men who feel this way, watch plenty of porn themselves. How hypocritical!!

Jonas a man in his early 30s says: “It really depends. If she’s my girlfriend I will not be comfortable at all knowing that she delights in watching porn. However if she’s my wife, no problem because we will be watching it together.”

Surprises never cease when one is seriously looking into human nature because when I started this research project I was sure that a majority of men really don’t mind their girl being a porn addict let alone an occasional viewer.

It turns out that most Kenyan men despite the image they may try to portray sometimes are very conservative. One single guy studying in an American university told this writer that he was thinking of dumping his girlfriend whom everybody though he would marry, simply because she was a Catholic. The man’s parents are Pentecostals, although he hardly goes to church himself. I was shocked. You can never assume anything about these Kenyan men, can you?

Only a mere 5 percent of the men I asked this question genuinely did not mind if their women were porn addicts. One man told me bluntly that “chics are human beings, NOT robots.”

I am hoping that we can carry this survey a little further here in this blog. Do tell us what you think about this crazy topic.

Incidentally people also need to know that porn can be highly addictive and if one is not in a relationship can have negative long term effects that may even affect and hinder a woman from having a healthy relationship. Just as it often does the same to many Kenyan men who are porn addicts.

What is Moi's most guarded secret?

How to ask for sex in marriage

Excuses men use to dump their girlfriends

Will those stretch marks cause him to stop loving you?

How to say "I love you" to a man and not cause him to bolt

Thursday, July 10, 2008

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I personally recommend the Confidential as something that every regular reader of Kumekucha should subscribe to. It is completely FREE. Just Email NOW to subscribe.

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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

The Cry Fizzles



“I’d rather die than resign,”
The man snorted sarcastically;
His shifty eyes roving hither and thither,
His heart racing, lips dry…

In the bottle,
The “resign now” pressure,
Squirmed, squeaked, and…
Pop! Went the cork.

Oh, the cloud, the dust,
The gas, the venom,
The bottle’s mighty wave,
The bank broke (the dam burst!)

In the avalanche ,
Amos “I’ll not resign”,
Swallowed, sucked in he was,
Gulp, gulp… shy of a drown.

His heart yelled “Help!”
His mouth co-operated not,
“I resign,” are the words we heard;
The bubble had broken.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

2 Gifts To Our Readers To Celebrate The Life Of Tom Mboya

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So you think alone, you can’t do anything to change the politics in Kenya?

So you think alone, you can’t do anything to change the politics in Kenya?

Many Kenyans ask themselves the question; What can one miserable person like me do to change things? And then they just sit back and do nothing but complain and despair.

Fortunately many folks including Nelson Mandela faced with far greater odds, did not think like you may be thinking just now. They did the little they thought they could do and the world is a better place because of that simple decision.

Kenyan politics stinks at the moment but you can start doing something towards changing things. And you can start right now (and it won’t even cost you a single Kenyan shilling).

Here’s what you can do. Knowledge and information is very powerful and the sad thing is that many Kenyans are NOT as informed as you are. The more informed Kenyans get, the quicker we will change things. Why not help get others informed by pasting the simple email signature below into your email as your email signature so that the usual emails you send out will help publicize and inform Kenyans about what is really going on?

Do the little you can just now. Who knows, even if you don’t end up being the next Nelson Mandela, you could come close.

DO IT NOW, it will only take a minute… or less.

Please choose just ONE email signature to use in your emails;

Have you read what other Kenyans are saying about today’s news?

To view the most guarded political secrets behind Kenyan news today, click HERE.

Kenyan News that the media fears to report EXPOSED HERE

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