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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Kenya Politics Jokes: Hilarious 2007 General Elections Jokes

In the last days of the Moi regime life was almost unbearable in Kenya (little did we know that the worst was yet to come). But thanks to the Redykyulass comedians Kenyans were able to laugh a lot about some very serious issues. We are in an almost identical situation (if not worse) with the Kibaki administration. And it is for this reason that we have launched political jokes in this popular blog. They will be updated regularly. Enjoy.


Count down to general elections jokes;

Emilio’s grand son asked his grand-dad, "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time...?" Emilio replied, "No. Some begin with 'After I'm elected..."

Q&A (Exclusive)

On the achievements of the Kibaki Administration

Q: What has President Kibaki done almost effortlessly that former President Moi failed miserably at?
A: Unite the LDP and Kanu.

Q: What happened to the 500,000 jobs the Narc administration promised to create every year?
A: Statistics prove that 600,000 jobs have in fact been created annually since the Narc government came to power. Here is a recent breakdown;

50,000 carjackers
50,000 muggers
37 developers of collapsing buildings
63 liars and cover-up artists for Anglo leasing-like projects
100,000 Brand new burglars and other petty offenders
124,884 rapists
15,000 car thieves
22,000 pickpockets
12,000 Brand new beggars
750 Vicious Wife beaters countrywide out of frustration
250 Vicious Husband beaters countrywide.
100,000 child molestors
2 foreign mercenaries
1 Political asylum seeker in UK over Anglo Leasing
13 Local specialist newspaper burning and press raid experts
1 Former President actively involved in politics
125,000 Kenyan immigrants who have had to flee Kenya to seek survival elsewhere.

600,001 jobs in total have been created.



Q: What is the first thing that the President says after waking up?
A: "Good morning, Emilio."


Q: You know what the problem with political jokes in Kenya is, don't you?
A: They got elected in 2002. And some even more hilarious ones are leading opinion polls to get elected in 2007.


Q: Why is security so tight around Lucy Kibaki?
A: Because if something happens to her, Emilio becomes President!

See 2007 Election predictions

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Vertical Sack Farming Magic: An experiment on the viability of vertical sack farming has turned into a serious business within a very short space of time. Secrets and tips shared that will make all the difference.

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As long as some people (many times with the help of foreign agents) will want to fiddle with presidential election tallying results, the post of chairman of the electoral body will remain the most deadly public office in the country called Kenya and maybe even on the entire African continent.

Wafulu Chebukati: immediate former IEBC chairman who announced very strange presidential results in August 2022

As we have seen in past elections the chairman of elections in Kenya will always end up in a situation where they are confronted by public wrath or even worse a situation where because they know too much about how the election was fiddled with, somebody decides to get rid of them thus eliminating a potential loose end that could lead to exposure.

But even in the one case (2002) where the real presidential elections have been announced, the role of electoral chairman in Kenya has still proved to be a demanding and high-pressure position. Crisis-management skills and quick thinking are obviously key requirements

History shows us that after overseeing bungled elections, many of these chairmen find it impossible to move on successfully to other endeavors. One significant factor contributing to this challenge is the toll that the position seems to take on their health and even psychological well being.

One notable example is Samuel Kivuitu, who served as the chairman of the electoral body (then the ECK) during the controversial 2007 elections. After his term ended, Kivuitu's health deteriorated significantly and very rapidly. He passed away as a pale shadow of his former self.

But even more telling was the fact that the death of Kivuitu on 25th February 2013, just a week before the 2013 general elections raised eyebrows and sparked suspicion among many. Kivuitu's sudden demise came after a period of significant weight loss and reports of him suffering from multiple illnesses.

In a country where superstitions often intertwine with politics, some Kenyans couldn't help but link Kivuitu's deteriorating health to his decisions during the 2007 elections, which were marred by violence and resulted in numerous deaths. The timing of his death so close to another crucial election only added fuel to the fire of speculation. There are those who argued that he may have been bumped off because he was known to be outspoken and may have said something to attract attention to what those who were rigging that election wanted to do.

In retrospect it appears that Kivuitu may have had little choice in his decisions which were forced on him by threats and it is unlikely that he received any monetary reward for his pronouncements. The same cannot be said for others who came after him because their lavish lifestyles after leaving the electoral body may suggest some mischief.

While it is important to approach such claims with skepticism and rely on concrete evidence, it is undeniable that Kivuitu's passing under the circumstances mentioned above raises questions about the potential influence of his past actions on his health and ultimately his untimely demise.

If you ask most Kenyans they will tell you that the post of chairman of the IEBC is a dangerous one that most candidates for the job take too lightly when applying. They never come anywhere near considering the reality of the job in our current political environment. They therefore end up with blood on their hands after going against the will of the people and from then on are doomed to a life of frustration and living under a curse. Which means after chairing the Kenyan electoral body the man or woman will go absolutely nowhere after that until their day of catching their last "flight" out of the world of the living.