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Sunday, March 04, 2007

Long Suffering Kenyan Beauty Speaks Out On Her "Useless Kikuyu Lovers"

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Dear Kumekucha,

I have been inspired to write this from a comment that I saw in a discussion forum based on the article you did on why the Masai are such good lovers that mzungus come from very far looking for them.

Some Kikuyu woman (we know our men best) raised hell at the discussion forum when she advised Kikuyu men to read the article and learn something. I do not understand what all the fuss was about because what she said was true.

I have been trying to think very hard as to what the problem may be with our Kikuyu men. Yes, they are such good providers and shrewd entrepreneurs and businessmen (not like my former Mkamba man who was very good—at you know what—but wanted us to spend our entire lives in bed. He was just too comfortable with me paying all the bills, which naturally did not go down well with yours truly.

Is it that our Kikuyu men are thinking about business all the time (like the Mkambas seem to be thinking about how to please a woman all the time?). A married friend of mine tells me that she cannot identify with wives who complain about being pestered by husbands who expect them to switch into the mood the way somebody flips channels on a TV using a remote. For her she is the one who does the pestering and she ends up getting the excuse that her Kikuyu man is too tired and a whole month goes by like that. She even joked that if it was possible for that place to grow cobwebs then hers would be packed with the stuff from weeks and sometimes even months of neglect.

I am well aware that we are trying to fight tribalism in Kenya, but is it a coincidence that all my Kikuyu lovers have been more than useless? Actually bure kabisa. Foreplay is something that most Kikuyu men have never heard of. Frantic gropers (who never find the place—you know what place) is the best description I can give of their best attempts at foreplay. It is usually over before you even realize that anything has actually started.

What makes the whole thing worse is that they are very serious talkers when it comes to these matters. Listening to them one would think that they know what they are talking about. Alas, this is not the case, they almost always end up being bitter disappointments. How many times have I been left staring at the roof as the loud snores coming from the huffer and puffer sleeping next to me make sleep impossible?

Part of the problem, I think is from a kind of selfish streak (this is not for the consumption of those silly ODM-Kenya promoters littering the web who may want to pounce on this detail to prove that the Kikuyu are selfish when it comes to political leadership) I have noted in most Kikuyu men. In the early dates they stare and tend to be very attentive, even asking intelligent questions and repeating quite often how beautiful you are. In retrospect, I can say they always seem to be too perfect; something has to be wrong or not quite right when things seem to be too perfect. Now I know, from experience, what these Kikuyu men are usually thinking about when they pretend to be so attentive. They are probably just imagining and fantasizing about that anticipated moment between the sheets. Because the moment it is over, they will never pay any attention to anything you have to say, again, EVER.

I wonder when they will learn the truth that for a woman, the attention she gets from her man long before, before and after are the keys to "unlocking her." I anticipate many defensive answers from the culprits but what I have said is nothing but ukweli mtupu. If there is to be any hope for our Kikuyu men then it will have to start with a confession from their hearts, very similar to what happens at alcoholics anonymous. They must say: My name is Njoroge Wa Maheni and I am a woman's worst nightmare (bure kabisa) in bed. That is where the healing will start. Long before some lessons from the Masai and Kambas.

Angry real Gikuyu man answers long suffering Kenyan beauty

See also;
Errant Buru Buru Husband Taught a Lesson By Cheeky Wife

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34 comments:

Anonymous said...

I fully agree with you - much to my regret - especially since my last Kikuyu "lover" was not only my worst nightmare but a real monster. I will write about him (a very known Kikuyu and I am sure many Kenyan women dream of him) during the next weeks in a blog called ..... The secret life of ....." (for the moment I am leaving out the name) - .........

Anonymous said...

There are Kikuyu boys and kikuyu men and you seem to have been unlucky to just end up with "boys." Granted, some "boys" will never grow up to be men because they are not enterprising. And by that I mean, if you just rely on what you picked up growing up when it comes to how to please a woman, you will never get sophisticated. There are many sources of good information on sexuality that is now available to anyone who wants to perfect their art. I suggest that if you are a lady who is in an unfulfilling relationship, you must be a little proactive and get your man a good book, a video or anything educational and do it with a smile. But I must also blame some of our women for being so laid back when it comes to sex. If you know how you like it, for god's sake be vocal about it. If he is groping in the dark trying to find it, grab his hand and guide him. Or just grab a torch and give him an unforgetable lesson in biology. It is for your mutual benefit.

--Mwananchi Mmoja
www.mykenyanspace.net

Anonymous said...

To the long-suffering, over-sexed, under-serviced beauty: Why are you bothered? Why evangelise to people who you think need the gospel, yet they are convinced they don't need it? Hopping from one to the next Kikuyu man has obviously been a bad idea (you end up sounding like a harlot) and frustrating. Singing about it doesnt help anyone.

Miss, stick to the Kaos and Maasais of this world... Let the sons of Gikuyu be...

Okay?

Anonymous said...

am a luo married to a kiuk for 6 years and i have no complaints over pare pare as Maina Kageni would put it.

i think it depends alot on the kiuk man involved, level of education (mine's a graduate), and what u as the woman, tell him to do to u when u are pare pare.

complaining and doing nothing about it doesnt help. talk to the man, if he cant listen to you, then look for alternative B i.e. pack and leave.

Anonymous said...

Waaaaah!!This giberrish!What is this business about kikuyu men not satisying their wives or any other beauty out there for that matter. Who is this who have been in kikuyu mens' bedrooms to report this authoritatively?
I Suppose this hate campaign is aimed at maligning the kyuk men for their aggressiveness in other areas. I am not a kikuyu but i have several women friends who have amazing kikuyu husbands. May be the writer was just unfortunate to have had her beared meat between her legs speared by an inexperienced kikuyu. Women, sample these men and you will certainly attest to the fact that they do it as energetically and as with with the same zeal that they go looking out for money. What they carry in their underwears is best understood when sampled.

Anonymous said...

Bull I say, PURE bull!

You must be a makeup artist mr. blogger!

Sounds to me like a story I would make up to irritate someone.

Is this the kind of blogs you want your readers ingesting?
This is not about advising on love/lovers matters or whatever you're calling it, this is pure tribalism!

You as a wanna be sound minded blogger should be ashamed by publicising this!

Anonymous said...

What the heck is this mama whining about, this thing of this tribe being that in bed, and this tribe working wonders...i think its just a load of crab that has outdone its time, we are all made different and one or two lovers cannot be representative of all sapere jamas, i know of a guy who stole a mama from a guy from the plains the guy was a sapere and the mama said she,s never had it better so she opted to leave the plaisn guy, i,m sure the story is different somewhere else and probably the tables turn, but thats how it is. so the lady just has an insatiable fanny or she's just developed a typical stereo type coz of her psych relationships...ever thot she could be the problem...this is a pure case of trying to blame ur lov problems on a guys tribal background. how about the millions of Sapere mama's who are happily married and get ot real good from their jamas? is there something wrong with them ama they are just going thro motions...

guys have a rational and unsubjective day.

Anonymous said...

What the heck is this mama whining about, this thing of this tribe being that in bed, and this tribe working wonders...i think its just a load of crap that has outdone its time, we are all made different and one or two lovers cannot be representative of all sapere jamas, i know of a guy who stole a mama from a guy from the plains, the guy was a sapere and the mama said she,s never had it better so she opted to leave the plains guy, i,m sure the story is different somewhere else and probably the tables turn, but thats how it is. so the lady just has an insatiable fanny or she's just developed a typical stereo type coz of her psych relationships...ever thot she could be the problem...maybe she's blaming her luv problems on the guys tribe, that won't solve it she needs help.

hav a rational and unsubjective day..

Anonymous said...

The author seems to be a "hopper"...hopping from one man to another with closed eyes...I have been in a relationship with a kikuyu man for a long time and I have learnt that sex is like wine, the longer you are with a person, the more you know how to please them and in turn you also teach them how to please you..the fact that they do not listen to you after that means you are equally boring and they could go around saying so too. Get a grip on it and settle down if you are interested in having good sex...by the way u mentioned money...am wondering if you are really genuine or you are just some gold digger who wants to have it all...the money and good sex...?

Anonymous said...

Kenyan beauty,
I love a Kikuyu man, but unfortunately he is not the most perfect lover on God's planet. Granted he has alot to learn. Unfortunately,I dont think it has anything to do with his tribe, it has alot to do with him.

My arguement springs from the fact that five years ago, before this Kikuyu man, there was yet another, but trust me, there was absolutely nothing, I repeat nothing but pure bliss.

Yours is a case of bad luck, dont worry, there plenty of men out there, kikuyu and otherwise who will disappoint you as badly, and scores more who will prove to be worth their salt.

Anonymous said...

No really, I have made out with a bunch of kyuks, the breathing, the moans I mean they just take over mpaka you wonder time for the real deal dude will be so overcome it will be over before it even starts ama its just my skillz? Kyuks ain't shit in the sack.....

Anonymous said...

Well, I think the misconception by the Kenyan beauty is all wrong! I am a Kikuyu man and I bet she tries me. I have done it with even Kambas, sorry to my sweetie, but she run away after soe good times. Not forgetting I can provide VERY well financially. But am endowed with the thing, the 'maasai' thing tag! plus lots of experience! Man tell her to try me

Anonymous said...

Am a Kikuyu and i love my peoples but seriously, we are the most clueless when it comes to sex and relationships. men AND women.
Men are not taught to treat their women with gentleness. Women are not taught to please their men in bed.
It is just like kikuyu food, BLAND! in bold. Githeri, mukimo, nduma, ngwache aiiii! just boiled no flavor no creativity. Somehow that extends to the bed. This is not scientifically proven but it is too coincidental to ignore.

Anonymous said...

dont blame the food on kikuyus, blame it on your mother.Githeri boiro is like a salad without dressing. spices na nyama.... have you ever heared this items... dania .. nyanya. to mention a few.Their is a higher probability you will find alot of kikuyus that are lousy in the sack, by virtue of their population. We endelea kuongea matope, you need to hook up with a jamaa from nakuru. Akupige kitu....

Anonymous said...

I don't know what the so-called beauty is complaining about. Guys will always get satisfied in bed. Now, if you're a chic and you don't get satisfied in bed, shauri yako. Deal with it. The reason I married you was to make babies. We have better preoccupations like providing for you and your children. Your job is to lie low, cook, clean, take care of the kids, and make more babies.

Anonymous said...

Some one is saying that Guyz will always be satisfied in bed but am sori for you since if there is no co-ordination there is irritation.And on the contrary that guy must be a chauvinist since women are not making babies alone,doing da cleaning and other house staffs.We get married to help each other and for companion.Iguess that guy is a kisii,since Kisii men think women are inferior creatures.If we have ten men like you 99% of kenyan women will be single. If am not satisfied in bed i'l find satisfaction elsewhere,thats why most marriages are not lasting nowadaiz.

Anonymous said...

I'm not Kisii, I'm Kikuyu. And I'm not a chauvinist. I just give Kenyan women the traditional treatment they deserve since they don't like chipping in financially. There's no shortage of Kenyan women willing to date a traditional guy so long as he has some money. And if she strays and I find out, I'll kill her and her lover.

jabatsu said...

I read the blog on Kumekucha about "Long Suffering Kenyan Beauty Speaks Out On Her "Useless Kikuyu Lovers" and I could not resist to respond. Its very interesting to have such an old stereotype surface online and I have to admit it made me laugh.

Well, I don't live in Kenya, but when I did I lived around all kinds of tribes and having travelled extensively around the world, the opinion seems to be the same. Every group seem to have a prefered better lover depending on their orientation. You listen to white people and they will tell you blacks are better lovers. Some black men even say the only good thing about black women is the bottom. Even the Greeks who have a long history of love goddesses and gods are not immune to this problem. Some English would prefer French, some French the German or American. So the whole thing ain't just between the kikuyus, kambas ,luos or Luhyas.

So what really is it that make this scenario. I think its a combination of many factors. For one, there is an element of uncertainity or rush when you cross that tribal or racial border. When someone makes love with somebody from a different race or tribe, there is, I believe a sub-concious feeling that you are crossing a social barrier or may be rebelling against the social norms instilled in you by your social background. It might feel like you are stealing or like you are going against the will of nature. Just like you would feel when you sleep with a another persons wife or husband. The fact that interracial or tribal relationships are still not very common would generate a degree of excitement larger may be than if you are doing it with somebody from you tribe or race. Do not forget that we are all racist and tribalistic in a sense and having an interracial or intertribal sex might feel like a way of conguering that litle devil in us.

There is something in psycology called home bias which is the automatic and almost universal preferrance for whatever feels familiar. Special neurons in your brain called place cells fire in the presence of the familiar and raise your comfort level. I think we all suffer from this condition. We become too comfortable with our own tribal spouces that it becomes boring. Throw in a Mkamba man with a Kikuyu lady , a black man and a white woman or vise versa and a fear response is triggered, which those involved interpret as better love making or excitment.

I may be wrong but there must an explantion better than just what was stated on the blog. Sex in my opinion is in two forms, macho, which is just physical and the art form. The physical is one sided and is just sheer satisfaction of the bull. The art form I beleive is what the ladys need and incorporates tenderness, calculation and a lot of observation. The mind has to be prepared first and depending on individual likes and tastes fulfillment has to be administered through observation in a tender and calculated manner. You do not have to go looking for that Maasai warrior , Mutiso, Onyango or that blondE girl in the bar. You work with what you have. You've got all the tools you need 'silly!!!!!'

Anonymous said...

There is some interesting stuff here. If kikuyus are such bad lays, why is that they have intermarried with everyone. I think it all depends on the two individuals in the sack. Our beauty seems to have read too many Mills & Boons and she has unrealistic expectations from men. I bet even the mkamba she fondly talks of in some other quarters will be just bland.
Kama unakula tu nyasi ya hapo nje learn to look further.

Anonymous said...

Problem is not with 'kikuyu men' it is generally with a sexually repressed culture that exists in Kenya. This 'Uselessness' is present in most kenyan men luo,luhya,kamba etc and may I add from personal experience women too!!. If you need an example of a sexually expressive african culture - please visit uganda- foreplay is taught to young men and women from a very early age.Sexual perfomance and experience are lauded and cherished as pillars of the culture as would say- traditional dances. repressiveness only produces 'uselessness' on one end and perverts on the other extreme.Examine your cultural attitudes towards sex and sexual expression-- maybe then will finda solution.

Shah said...

Some Anonymous posted this comment on Kikuyu Food.

It is just like kikuyu food, BLAND! in bold. Githeri, mukimo, nduma, ngwache aiiii! just boiled no flavor no creativity.

BUT JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, KIKUYU FOOD IF MORE "ORGANIC" THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

EVERYONE IS GOING THAT DIRECTION. WAUT AND SEE, TIME WILL TELL.

Regarding Love making, I have had an Indian girl, Spanish and now a japanese. They are all the shame. A woman plus a woman is a woman. It`s all in the mind and how you communicate.

Anonymous said...

Some Anonymous posted this comment on Kikuyu Food.

It is just like kikuyu food, BLAND! in bold. Githeri, mukimo, nduma, ngwache aiiii! just boiled no flavor no creativity.

BUT JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, KIKUYU FOOD IS MORE "ORGANIC" THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

EVERYONE IS GOING THAT DIRECTION. WAIT AND SEE, TIME WILL TELL.

Regarding Love making, I have had an Indian girl, Spanish and now a Japanese. They are all the shame. A woman plus a woman is a woman. It`s all in the mind and how you communicate.

Devji said...

Kikuyu Food should not be an issue.

If people want to switch to romantic Food there is chines food.

Chinese are 5 billion in the world.

What does that tell you. They sex day in, day out?
Please Go and eat chinese food and enjoy and have sex as much as you want. Go eat frogs, snake skins, spiced pig, and cats and dogs and do a lot of sex..
Leave kikuyu Organic food alone or just go and throw stones in Lake Victoria. Sorry, Lake sacho.

Sarah said...

Sorry to let you guys know that i`m a kikuyu woman and would encourage, all the complaints regarding kikuyu women to be REAL MEN and go and get yourself a maasai lover.. I mean maasai women. But first of all , get cut and be ready to have and enjoy sex.

LUO`S ARE WELCOME, ON CONDITION THAT THEY GET THEIR LITTLE DICKS CHOPPED.

Ken said...

maybe If u women used deodorant we'll pay attention.

Anonymous said...

I AM A LUO GUY,GUYS! GET IT RIGHT,WHAT GOES INTO A WOMAN;S MEMORY AT THE END OF THE DAY IS NOT WHETHER THE SKIN IS CUT OR NOT BUT THE MANS CONDUCT BETWEEN THE SHEETS.I PUMP HER MBAYA MBOVU!

Anonymous said...

I don't think that it is fair to judge all people you happen to be of the same tribe; not everything is genetic. I am married to a Kikuyu, though he was my only he is nothing short of amazing(attentive to my needs, long lasting, powerful, and always in the mood- not to be overly graphic). I would venture to guess your problems are based on the fact that you lack open communication about about sex, which is essential.

msanii said...

All i know is that sex is an art and communication plays a big role in bed what this mama is doing is that she just sleeps on her back and expect the kikuyu man to do miracles that cant happen she needs to communicate with this sapere man on where to rub exactly on the contrary i agree with her most os uf men just like jumping on our lovers one needs to spend time to know exactly where the g-spot is in order to satifsy the woman my advise to this whinning mama is that she should communicate to her lover on what spot to scratch if she is shy then she should contact some of us who dont need to be told where the spots are.silly?

Anonymous said...

I seldom leave comments on blog, but I have been to this post which was recommend by my friend, lots of valuable details, thanks again.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

dont blame the food on kikuyus, blame it on your mother.Githeri boiro is like a salad without dressing. spices na nyama.... have you ever heared this items... dania .. nyanya. to mention a few.Their is a higher probability you will find alot of kikuyus that are lousy in the sack, by virtue of their population. We endelea kuongea matope, you need to hook up with a jamaa from nakuru. Akupige kitu....

This made me laugh out loud!! Very well put! Without further delay...all jamaz from Naks, you know whats up, audition up in here Tusker Project Fame styro

Anonymous said...

I must say I strongly disagree. Although my experience with Kikuyu men is limited to my current lover, he is by far the most sensual, giving, talented lover I have ever had. We spend hours on foreplay and making love and my satisfaction is always his primary concern....AMAZING!!!

Anonymous said...

It's sad to see that out of all the insults you guys can possibly come with, Kikuyu men not being sexually satisfying is the best you can do on your blog. Kwani bibi zenu wote wamedinywa na waKikuyu ulimwengu nzima wakakuambia. I'm a Kikuyu man, sijawahi acha msichana wowote unsatisfied. end of story. Acheni ujinga, everyday mnaonekana wajinga sana. Simuanze a way of kupata pesa and any woman mnataka muone maaudi zenu wataanza kusema mna mboro ndogo pia. haha

Anonymous said...

It's never about his/her tribe , it's about THE INDIVIDUAL involved . ANYONE can be good or lousy depending and no one is ever good simply koz he's a Maasai or a Kamba , those are myths. Work with what you have n rsults could surprise you regardless of where he/she comes from...

Anonymous said...

I think it's not the kikuyu men who are the problem if you've dated several.

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