Marriage and divorce are fascinating realities of this modern life. The initial love at first site, followed by a whirlwind romance where the man and woman cannot keep their hands off each other. Then the sharp contrast just a few months down the road when the two lovers who had sworn to each other that till death do they part cannot even speak to each other.
In the old days and to a certain extent these days, Africans hardly ever divorce. Instead they still live under the same roof. And if there is a child involved, matters are even worse. Once when things were not good in my marriage and we were not on talking terms with my Kikuyu beauty we would use my daughter to communicate.
So when food was ready Mrs Kumekucha would say something like;
"Go and tell that #@#*! (Censored) that food is ready."
Then at another time I would send the following message through the same medium;
"Kwenda uambia huyo mutu kwa hii nyumba ambaye amefura kama mandazi ya Burma kwamba sioni shati yanga." (Translation: Go and tell that person who has sulked so that she resembles a puffed up Mandazi at Burma market that I can't see my shirt.)
Incidentally Burma is a market near the City Stadium in Nairobi and they make Mandazis at the place that are usually bigger than the head of a man. The trick they use is a health dose of baking powder to make the thing swell beyond all proportions. But I digreess.
Thank God that mine did not end up in divorce but in the end helped strengthened my marriage to what it is today, where people who know us talk about it behind our backs, basically asking questions like; "How do they do it?" The truthful answer: "I don't know. Some of these things are just made in heaven."
Enough about myself. There is this nasty divorce tale I have to tell today.
This particular marriage was destined to end in divorce even before the couple exchanged vows at the altar and many predicted it.
For starters they got married for all the wrong reasons. Both wanted to use each other for their own selfish ends. The man just wanted sex and he wanted it bad. The sly gold-digger of a woman who was the object of his desire played her cards perfectly. No marriage certificate, no sex, her placard read clearly. The woman of course wanted to get her carefully manicured hands on his money. Because so many of their friends had already told them that their marriage would not last, when things started going wrong at the honeymoon, the couple learnt how to play "Hollywood" and put up many Oscar-winning performances in front of the cameras. Shortly after pans, sufurias and other household missiles had been flying from the kitchen to the living room at high speed (and neighbors could clearly hear the shouting and fighting) they would come out holding hands with some wide smiles, for the cameras. Once they even managed a kiss (it is not clear how this was accomplished and yet both were clearly breathing fire).
I am of course talking about the ODM-Kenya marriage of convenience of leading presidential contenders that is now clearly headed for the "divorce courts." Most of the players are not on talking terms. Kalonzo Musyoka and Raila Odinga are now talking to each other through the press. Even Julia Ojiambo, chairperson of the Labour Party Of Kenya where Kalonzo defected to last week from Raila Odinga's Liberal Democratic Party is firing salvos at Raila (again through the press) telling him in no uncertain terms to keep off her party's business. She however says in the same breath that the Labour Party of Kenya is still in ODM.
William Ruto currently appears to be in the Raila camp, as well as Najib Balala. Those are the only two presidential candidates who are firmly in the Raila camp.
Initial indications are that Raila will have to look for another party to stand for president with because Kalonzo Musyoka's faction led by chairman Danial Maanzo have the registration certificate. Chances are very high that Musalia Mudavadi, Julia Ojiambo and Kalonzo Musyoka will be in one ODM splinter group together. Watch this group very carefully because another marriage is in the offing with (surprise, surprise), Kanu. Already before even the divorce case is filed, this spouse has jumped into somebody else's bed. Guess who was waiting to receive Uhuru Kenyatta at the airport last week? Kalonzo Musyoka in person. But then this should not surprise anybody. Remember the joint visit of the two to the Mukuru kwa Njenga slums in the outskirts of Nairobi, about 2 months ago? Remember the prediction here over 4 months ago that was met with open ridicule and plenty of abusive language?
And so the ODM comedy of errors continues.
Incidentally this would be the perfect time for John Githongo to launch his presidential campaign and give Kenyans a genuine choice that is fresh and different, because as many of you wise readers have said here before, the difference between ODM-Kenya and Narc-Kenya is impossible to pinpoint because all the politicians in both parties who have been at the game for a long time (too long to the detriment of Kenyans) are of like minds.
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