Today I felt very nervous. The fear that I might die in Kenya, kept gnawing at me, making me unable to be focused. Whenever I tried to read my notes, go through my earlier testimony at Scotland Yard's Office in London, my mind chewed a lock. And my body tensed. Was I going to be safe? And being that Philipp's letter approving his travelling alongside me had not come yet - was it sensible to take chances?
I walked into my study and started looking at some pictures on the wall. I saw a photo of the founding couple, Jomo and Mama Ngina Kenyatta.
..... decent people .....
I saw a picture of other friends - Grace and Bethwel Ogot.
..... fantastic people .....
Then a picture of Moi ......
I don't know that to think..... he could have been a wonderful President ..... a real Statesman ..... what has happened to the man I once knew and loved? Can I have been that wrong? When I meet him, I will let him know that is not too late to make things right. He can apologize to Christabel and to the nation. I even believe, Kenyans will forgive him. I will tell him that.....
Finally, I looked at a picture of Sandra. She was wearing a sleeveless dark-blue evening dress. There was a soft chandelier handing slightly to the left making her long flowing hair shine like black ebony - she was stunningly beautiful - and like Dr. Mungai once said: like a cover girl on People Magazin....
Looking at Sandra's photo, I thought again about Moi. What would he say when he could see Sandra now? Would he still recognize the little girl he once knew? Would he be proud like me that she had fulfilled her childhood dream and really had become a Veterinary - a dream he had planted in her when they visited together the game parks in his beautiful country?
I knew that Sandra was still hoping to be able to go back to Kenya and also live up to the other part of that dream: to look after the animals in the game parks. But would she ever be able to do this? Would it be safe for her to go?
Suddenly I felt very sad - there were so many lost opportunities - so many open gaps - so many chances to be happy gone for all of us - destroyed by a man called Nicholas Biwott.
When my phone rang, it startled me, "Hello?"
"It's Sandra, Mami."
"Hello, sweetheart, how are you?"
"Only one day left, Mami, and I am very worried about your trip. Are you still going?"
"I told you, I have to."
"Have you made arrangements for your security like you promised?"
I hesitated. When I informed Philipp a few days ago about the delay in processing his letter, he had told me that his Superiors may send him to another destination which would make it impossible for him to accompany me.
But I decided not to go into this new situation with my daughter, so instead I said, "Sandra, I am going to call the German Embassy. I will let them handle my security."
"Is this a promise? And will they agree?"
"I hope so."
Sandra kept quiet for a minute. She wiped a tear. Finally, she said, "Mami, if you travel tomorrow, I will meet you at the Zurich-Airport. What time is your flight?"
"10:30 p.m. - but I will arrive from Malaga already around 6 p.m. - so we have some time to talk and maybe have also a small dinner together."
"Then I will see you at Zurich-Kloten, Mami," she sighed, "I love you."
"I love you too - actually, do you know I was just looking at your picture, the one in the blue dress. You look adorable."
I heard her laughing and then saying, "Of course I do ..... it runs in the family, remember?"
I smiled, "See you tomorrow, darling."