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Sunday, March 09, 2008

ODM, PNU Boys Alone In A Room With 10 Ravishing Virgins

…but some naïve Kenyans are still screaming; “we trust you guys”

I’m really sorry guys to spring up a post like this one you are about to read on you on a Sunday of all days, but I really can’t help it. I am one of those guys who hate bad news on a Sunday. Let it wait with everything else until Monday, I always say.

But duty calls and so here goes.

For days now many analysts have been worried sick about the political situation in Kenya. I am talking about analysts who are realists and understand human nature and the fact that hardliners don’t just disappear into thin air. In fact when they become suddenly so quiet, trust me that is the time to really get worried, sick.

Actually on the outside, everything looks quite okay. In fact almost too good to be true.

The mystery was solved for me by one of our writers in Kumekucha called Phil. I have cross checked the earth-shaking information he posted in a comment here on Saturday with some of my most impeccable sources and I can now confidently confirm to Kumekucha readers that what he says is true. And that is, Hon Raila Odinga and Mwai Kibaki have struck a “secret” deal. The kind of deal that will make the pair stick closer to each other than super glue. That deal was good for peace in Kenya and we are all very grateful that it happened when it did.

The deal is that Mwai Kibaki will name Raila Odinga his heir when he exits from the presidency in the next 2 years or so. Unfortunately that deal is NOT good for the future of Kenya. For starters it means that Raila Odinga will have to look the other way at the evil that Mwai Kibaki and his cronies have done. Yep. A deal is a deal. In return Raila will now smoothly ascend to the presidency.

That my friends, is the worst news you can ever get on a Sunday.

Both PNU and ODM are in government and just about every small political party you can think of apart from two or three with single MPs have all claimed their stake in the grand coalition government as affiliate parties.

Let me explain further the full consequences of the information that I have just given you, with a simple crude example that will however drive the point home beautifully.

Let us assume that you and I are parents of some 10 drop-dead stunningly beautiful “hot” virgins. So far we have managed to keep them safe and pure because the two groups of boys who are always hovering around the gate are bitter rivals. They hate each other so much that the moment one group somehow slips into the house to be alone with the virgins. The other group blows the whistle. Recently it got so bad that the two groups fought physically. It was bad. Some boys broke their legs and there was a lot of blood spilt all over the place. Some good Samaritan came along and held peace talks with the two groups and now the boys are suddenly friends. We are naturally very happy about this because the fight, apart from causing a serious racket in our neighborhood was not good.

But now there are whispers that there was a secret pact between the two groups of red blooded boys that brought about the peace. That secret pact is in the best interests of the boys but not you and I, or the virgins.

To make matters worse you and I as parents are about to take a long trip abroad and leave the 10 virgins all alone in the house and at the mercy of the hovering boys who are for the first time united in their purpose. It doesn’t take a genius to see plenty of trouble ahead. For the virgins and us, that is.

It matters little that we trust some of the boys because they seem to be so well behaved and have pledged that they would never do anything “bad” to the virgins. But hey, this is real life and although the mind may be willing, the flesh is terribly weak. You and I know that those 10 ravishing virgins will be just too much temptation for the boys to resist.

A woman friend of mine used to put it this way; You can’t leave a rat in the paws of a cat overnight and expect that nothing will happen. No matter how disciplined and principled the cat is, he will kill and eat the rat.

Ladies… gentlemen… that is our exact position in Kenyan politics now.

We have two hungry “cats” and we are locking them up in a room with our rat. What do you expect will happen? Some of us think that at least one of the cats can be trusted. Huh! You can’t get more naïve than that.

Many Kenyans are admirers of ODM and Raila Odinga and they are sure that ODM will not “eat” when they are in government. They are also sure that Raila Odinga will not “eat” when he is Prime Minister. That is good. Let time be our judge.

But let us remember that Raila Odinga and ODM have made a deal with the devil. So what can we realistically expect?

The 10 ravishing virgins or the “rat” in this case is all that is stored up at the treasury and the simple Anglo-leasing-like deals that can so easily be pulled off that will put real money in some secret Swiss account. The kind of money that will make any sane mind spin.

Do not get me wrong. I am not saying the peace deal was wrong. Hell NO. Thousands of precious and innocent Kenyan lives have been saved. I am so very grateful for that like so many Kenyans. But now is the time to look ahead beyond these two years of the grand coalition government.

To be very honest with you folks, I don’t see any light in the future. Kenyans are just too relaxed and happy with the current political situation. Even when nobody wants to be in the opposition, it is still “cool” for most of us.

But is it?


Anonymous said...

I am not one for conspiracy theories and "secret deals". I am however, one for looking at what people have done in the past, and having an idea of what they will do in there future.

ODM and PNU are the same good old boys and girls. Name one of our political class that we can say has not been compromised in the past.

They have all spent a ridiculous amount of money and time on politics. They will need to recoup their investment. And the generous salaries aren't enough. Plus with an election in 2yrs, they need to accumulate enough resources to hit the campaign trail.

It is as simple as 123 or abc.

What can we do? The citizenry needs to stand its ground. Not for tribal chiefs or regional politics. But for accountability, transparency and integrity.

Raila cannot change Kenya. The people around him have no interest in changing Kenya because that would suggest they give up on their current economic and political advantages. Ditto for Kibaki and those around him.

We as Kenyans must change Kenya.

Anonymous said...

Kumekucha writer are just a bunch of idiots who wish Kenyans continue fighting and kill each other. You guys were too negative when you realized that Kibaki and Raila whad decided to put the country first. Well too bad we have a deal and Kenyans won... so stop peddling gutter news and be happy for Kenya.

Anonymous said...

Am happy that you have been called an idiot.One day very very soon we will be able to know who the real idiot is.
Kibaki doesn't care what Kenyans eat.All he thinks of is a safe exit.Kenyans know who won the elections and who lost.
There will be no peace till the winners rule.
We are simply buying time and yet we are sitting on a land mine!
Please stop daydreaming - this is a lull before the storm!

Dj Rik.


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