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Dear Kumekucha,
I have been inspired to write this from a comment that I saw in a discussion forum based on the article you did on why the Masai are such good lovers that mzungus come from very far looking for them.
Some Kikuyu woman (we know our men best) raised hell at the discussion forum when she advised Kikuyu men to read the article and learn something. I do not understand what all the fuss was about because what she said was true.
I have been trying to think very hard as to what the problem may be with our Kikuyu men. Yes, they are such good providers and shrewd entrepreneurs and businessmen (not like my former Mkamba man who was very good—at you know what—but wanted us to spend our entire lives in bed. He was just too comfortable with me paying all the bills, which naturally did not go down well with yours truly.
Is it that our Kikuyu men are thinking about business all the time (like the Mkambas seem to be thinking about how to please a woman all the time?). A married friend of mine tells me that she cannot identify with wives who complain about being pestered by husbands who expect them to switch into the mood the way somebody flips channels on a TV using a remote. For her she is the one who does the pestering and she ends up getting the excuse that her Kikuyu man is too tired and a whole month goes by like that. She even joked that if it was possible for that place to grow cobwebs then hers would be packed with the stuff from weeks and sometimes even months of neglect.
I am well aware that we are trying to fight tribalism in Kenya, but is it a coincidence that all my Kikuyu lovers have been more than useless? Actually bure kabisa. Foreplay is something that most Kikuyu men have never heard of. Frantic gropers (who never find the place—you know what place) is the best description I can give of their best attempts at foreplay. It is usually over before you even realize that anything has actually started.
What makes the whole thing worse is that they are very serious talkers when it comes to these matters. Listening to them one would think that they know what they are talking about. Alas, this is not the case, they almost always end up being bitter disappointments. How many times have I been left staring at the roof as the loud snores coming from the huffer and puffer sleeping next to me make sleep impossible?
Part of the problem, I think is from a kind of selfish streak (this is not for the consumption of those silly ODM-Kenya promoters littering the web who may want to pounce on this detail to prove that the Kikuyu are selfish when it comes to political leadership) I have noted in most Kikuyu men. In the early dates they stare and tend to be very attentive, even asking intelligent questions and repeating quite often how beautiful you are. In retrospect, I can say they always seem to be too perfect; something has to be wrong or not quite right when things seem to be too perfect. Now I know, from experience, what these Kikuyu men are usually thinking about when they pretend to be so attentive. They are probably just imagining and fantasizing about that anticipated moment between the sheets. Because the moment it is over, they will never pay any attention to anything you have to say, again, EVER.
I wonder when they will learn the truth that for a woman, the attention she gets from her man long before, before and after are the keys to "unlocking her." I anticipate many defensive answers from the culprits but what I have said is nothing but ukweli mtupu. If there is to be any hope for our Kikuyu men then it will have to start with a confession from their hearts, very similar to what happens at alcoholics anonymous. They must say: My name is Njoroge Wa Maheni and I am a woman's worst nightmare (bure kabisa) in bed. That is where the healing will start. Long before some lessons from the Masai and Kambas.
Angry real Gikuyu man answers long suffering Kenyan beauty
See also;
Errant Buru Buru Husband Taught a Lesson By Cheeky Wife
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